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Another letter I'll never send.
Sunday. 5.17.09 12:05 pm
Dad, I won't even put a "Dear dad," or "Dear daddy," not even a "Dear father figure." Perhaps I'm selfish for thinking this way, if I am, so be it. But honestly, I feel like you don't want to see me anymore. You never make an effort to call me and tell me you love me. You never want me to come stay over at your house for the weekend. It's just on the schedule.

Mom: "She's supposed to stay at your house this weekend, right?"
Dad: "Oh is this the weekend? I have to work all weekend."
Mom: "Well, I have plans, and you need to take responsibility for her."
Dad: "You're right you're right."

Dad will never disagree with my mom. My mom is ALWAYS right, somehow. I actually argue with her if she's trying to influence a decision against where I stay. That's WHY I ask my dad first if I can have his permission to stay at his house. As long as I have his permission, I honestly don't give a shit about what my mom has to say.

My mom is mentally breaking down because of things going on in her life, and I've become the care-taker. I don't mind this because she's been my care-taker for more situations than she should be, but on the other hand, I'm also a teenager. Perhaps it will prepare me for the future, but it's hard trying to maintain "OK" grades and have a bunch of extra pressure dumped on me. I want to be there for you, but I can't take constantly being yelled at.

But, seriously dad, do you not WANT me to stay with you? I see you a max of 4 days out of 30-31 day months. I know you have to work and mom doesn't anymore. You can't say no to either of us when we talk to you alone, but when it comes down to the three of us speaking together, you will always take back what you say to me and side with my mom.

You don't want me.
I don't think you've ever wanted me.
And, as I've said before, if it were me or your girlfriend hanging from a cliff and you had to save one of us, it'd be me plummeting down.


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