lucky cha cha cha!

hear the words "hypocritical faggot" one more time I am going to punch somebody in the face.
Preferably the person that said it.
Which would probably be Alyssa.
Who ultimately deserves it.
Because she herself is a hypocritical faggot that doesn't want to admit it.

Even if I apologize for something I've done, something that she expects me to know even though she gives me no clues (I only knew what I had to apologize for because somebody else told me!), she doesn't thank me for it. She expects it, like she's so amazing and powerful that I should have to do it anyway without her telling me. And I kinda did take that initiative. But instead, I wrote a letter.
And instead of even the least, "Thank you for your honesty," I got, "I knew you wouldn't be able to say it to my face," with the bitchiest of faces on. She hasn't even spoken a word to me about it, so I don't even know if I said the right thing, made her happy, pissed her off more, or anything. We're just... there. And I feel like that's worse than her hating me.
I'm ready to say it to your fucking face now, if only I knew if you were still mad at me. That state of consciousness between hate and forgiveness is the worst, but you probably don't care.
Hey, at least I'm not posting this where everyone can see, you attention-seeker.

I even realize that I myself have lots of flaws. I seek attention too much as well. I can get really annoying after a while. I am a huge show-off. I am just an overall weird person. But when you try to be modest, it just doesn't work because it's so blatantly fake. You say, "At least I don't talk about the guy I like all the time and how he doesn't notice me," but in reality you do talk about the guy you like all the time, it's the only thing you ever talk about besides your family members that apparently hate you so much. You talk about him all the time, and it's not because he doesn't notice you, it's because he's trying to look after you and you hate it. You hate it so much because you want him to look after you more and more until he gives up. Then you'll complain that he isn't looking after you anymore and the whole fucking cycle continues.

Hypocritical faggot. I'm not the one calling my best friend's crush a "fall back" for a boyfriend in high school if I can't get one anyway. Especially when I got mad at one of my friends for liking the guy I obsess over, sure. Yeah, I can totally see Derek agreeing to that. You just expect the people around you to change their lives for you. Like Andrew going to Bloomfield High without you even telling him just because you knit him a scarf? Seriously? And I know, I know that you guys won't be friends anymore by senior year. Hell, I'm already hanging out with more people going to PC because I know I'll be stuck with them for the next four years. You guys have to make new friends, jeez.

Well, I'm graduating from eighth grade next week. Seven days exactly. Then after that, a boring summer without anywhere to go and without any cool cousins. My dad will probably make me play softball because this whole spring, all he would ever talk about is softball. Playing softball and my softball team. After a while, you start to go, "Who cares?" but my dad is not one of the people you should ever say that to. So, I'm stuck. I just can't wait until I start at PC: I'll get a new start.