Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   
















[music] Nell




[watch -ing/-ed]
Peach Girl Bleach NANA Goong [palace] My Name is Kim Sam Soon Naruto

[quote] Zelda!
Time passes, people move....
Like a river's flow, it never ends...
A childish mind will turn to noble ambition...
Young love will become deep
affection...
The clear water's surface reflects growth...

Am i weird for liking it?

i got bored

A final goodbye
Sunday. 3.11.07 11:39 pm
I don't think he ever cared about me and if he did, I guess it doesn't matter since I have all these insecurities about myself. I think he's relieved that he doesn't have to hear about me nagging or complaing. I'm not sure of anything since we don't even communicate.

The last we spoke was the day before my birthday, March 6th, his best friend's birthday, his ex girlfriend. Doesn't that just sound "funny"? Meh, whatever, he can be friends with who he wants but that day was HER day. When I was on the phone with him he was typing her a Happy Birthday wish. I can't even remember if he wish me me an early happy birthday but that was HER day. He didn't say anything to me nor type jack shit. What he did type on myspace was a god damn bulletin. It makes me think that he purposely didn't say anything so that I would get mad and not want to speak to him again. But I tried calling him that night and just once the next. I even sent him a message on myspace because he turned into a myspace whore saying that I was jealous. I sent him a final emo message. I've sent him ones before but he always had some excuse or reason to why he wouldn't communicate with me. My insecurties just get worse and it feels like history is cycling through again. I can't compete with people's past relationships. I can't compete against anything. I can't get close to anyone. I don't know how to tell people my darkest secrets or why I used to wear a golden necklace everyday. But I took that off today because my self value is at an all time low. I can't trust someone to always be there. I'm lonely.

SCREW CALIFORNIA. I'm not going this summer. My cousin's moving to Reno, Nevada. My head hurts more with each thought. My first and only kiss was by a man who only wanted to get into my pants. I don't want to be me but I don't want to be anybody else. I don't want to live but I'd never kill myself. I always imagine that I'd get some sort of cancer or brain tumor and just die from that and no one would me. Here's something I never told anyne. Back in high school there was a car accident that got in the news. Three boy's my age died and everyone was sad. I asked myself if I died would anyone miss me, the answer was no. Why would they? I believe I am nothing. I'm not close to anyone. There would be no reason for them to. Family? They're just people related by blood. My mom thought my birthday was the 17th. I don't have anyone that I could ask "If I died, would you miss me?" and answer yes. There is Oppa but he just wants my body and has for a long while.

Before I met my roommate, I sort of imagined her as someone like me that I could be close to. It's the exact opposite, we don't even talk much.

If I was to die and had time to flash back on my life and try thinking of something I was proud of or accomplished, I wouldn't have anything except that I once felt loved but even that seems like a dream or a creation in my head. I never got to feel his body or embrace. Nothing.

I almost abandoned here because I could remember the account name but not the password for shit and I couldn't remember the email I used. Today the sign in worked! All my other blogs are too public for people who I know in real life or have my name in which people can google and find. I think I removed all of my identities on here in which people can't do that.

I wish I could stop crying
Recommended by 2 Members
gao Dilated
4 Comments.


Gao, life is so precious. If you were gone.... of course people would miss you!! We all have our down periods where we feel so helpless and lonely but if you were gone that would make nobody happy.
» KkaMA67 on 2007-03-12 12:33:05

Aw, I'm glad you've returned to us. No one knows who I am in real life and for that, I'm grateful. ^-^ As KkaMA67 said, we all have times like these. It's up to time to pass and numb the pain. We're here for you. See you around, 'kay? ;)
» Silver-dot- on 2007-03-12 12:38:16

I know how you feel, pertaining to the relationship with that boy.Its... difficult to believe in love and think that you love someone and know that they don't feel the same way anymore... or can't..I dunno. Anyway, I really enjoyed your entry. And your layout.
» Dilated on 2007-03-12 02:26:38

UPDATE MORE.
» Dilated on 2007-04-23 05:38:11

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.

gao's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.242seconds.

  Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s
All content � Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.