HellaHotMama

that Jim only cares about Liz when she's feeling well and in a good mood.

The other day when she was sick and I had to go to work, I left the thermometer on the desk and said "PLEASE take her temperature in about 2 hours". When I got home, it was in the same spot, not even touched. I asked and he said "Oh, I didn't think I needed to, it's no big deal, just take it now" And then he yells at me because I bought her pedialyte which was an 'unneeded expense' (as was the motrin I bought for her as well) When I called him at work when she first threw up, he was very uninterested and said "Well I'm not comming home, so I don't know why you called me". Ergh. If she gets antsy and starts to whine, he just says "Go to your mother" and gives me this look like I should already be stopping her whining.

And he never listens. I tell everyone NO cookies, chocolate, or any other candy BEFORE NOON. What does she have this morning? A Nilla Wafer. I know the occasional cookie and candy won't kill her, but not every morning, and not at 10am.

And then there's the disrespect that I get. He's always on his computer, never spends time with me or with Liz unless it's convenient for him. Not that I want to spend time with him anymore anyway, but when I was in the 'trying to save the marriage' stage, I wanted him to spend time with me and just care. And when he yells at me for stupid shit (like buying deoderent) it just makes me feel like a 2 year old. I live in a constant fear of getting yelled at all the time. I really am sick of the yelling and the fighting.

I know I'm going to get the questions of "well why don't you just leave already" but it's not that easy when you have a child involved. I don't want to keep her from her father, I just want shared custody, but his parents have threatened me that "If you leave Jim we will do everything in our power to keep that little girl here". Yes, because grandparents have more rights than the mother. I made an appointment to talk to a lawyer to see what my options are. Then after that, I'm going to save up as much as I can so I can get my own apartment, so I have somewhere to leave to.

As much as I regret Jim though, I cannot regret my daughter. She's the light of my life and the only thing that keeps me going everyday. I just regret May 2, 2006, when I said "I do". I think we married too young, too early, and too soon after having a baby. We should have waited to see how having a baby changed our relationship. It brought out sides of us that I never knew existed. My maternal instincts kicked in, and I strived to be the kind of wife/mother my own mom was. It was nearly impossible though because of the disrespect I got daily. The house isn't clean enough. Why isn't the laundry done? Why didn't you bake me something to snack on later? And the list goes on.

Anyway, I just felt like venting a bit. I feel better now. At least I have friends that I can vent to all the time, and whom understand what I'm going through. I'm so greatful for them <3

Love ya =)