God, forgive me for this.


How can I live like this? In fear of what could grasp me? I can feel their talons clawing at me. Their blood red eyes thirsting for me. Lust indescribable. I fear the howlings of the coldest nights. The aching pain, like rusted knives shredding you, but no marks will be left on your body. It frightens me.
And I know it shouldn't. God is with me. Or so the bible says. So His Word says.
But am I with Him?

God, I know all this questioning is spurred on by the dark. But what do I do?

I feel numb. I feel a supposed contentedness. No real pain. No real sorrow. No gnashing of teeth. Yet... I want more. I miss the music. I miss the dance. I miss the cravings of what could of been and what could still come. It is a life of pain and misgivings, but there was a danger. A wildness. A life.

What is my failings?! Am I forever doomed to repeat my flaws until the gaping earth devours me?

I am at a stale mate in the chess board of good and evil. I only wish I knew which side I play for.

I know many would deem this entry madness. Musings of religious fanatic gone wrong.

But you weren't there...
You didn't hear the unearthly wailing cries...





I couldn't even watch this at first...

But I feel better now that I did.

Maybe I do play for the right side after all.

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