nightinthesky (2:28:06 AM): How am I crazy?
nightinthesky (2:28:11 AM): Other than the usual obvious
NeverDesdemona(2:28:15 AM): I like how you tell other people things before you tell me.
nightinthesky (2:28:33 AM): Because I knew I would have to explain everything to you.
nightinthesky (2:28:40 AM): I didn't explain anything to Meghan
nightinthesky (2:29:12 AM): All I said is that "I realized that I'm in an abusive relationship with Robyn."
NeverDesdemona (2:29:43 AM): oh. so you were feeling LAZY.
NeverDesdemona (2:29:48 AM): I understand. Great logic.
nightinthesky (2:29:53 AM): no
nightinthesky (2:29:59 AM): I COULDN'T explain
nightinthesky (2:30:02 AM): I didn't have time.
nightinthesky (2:30:04 AM): I'm telling you
NeverDesdemona (2:30:07 AM): I'm being dreadly sarcastic, not literal, you oaf.
nightinthesky (2:30:09 AM): it was the night before my family came in
NeverDesdemona (2:30:24 AM): I'm still perturbed. But I'm not being literal.
nightinthesky (2:30:39 AM): I didn't have time.
NeverDesdemona (2:30:55 AM): mhm.
NeverDesdemona (2:31:20 AM): Complete strangers seem to have more time for me nowadays. Hopefully it won't become an everyday thing.
nightinthesky (2:33:06 AM): Look, I'm sorry. But if I didn't care I wouldn't even be up now.
nightinthesky (2:33:28 AM): I have to wake up in a few hours. I'm not like you. I need large amounts of sleep.
nightinthesky (2:33:44 AM): But I try my hardest to cut time out
nightinthesky (2:33:46 AM): you know I do
nightinthesky (2:33:49 AM): you should know I do
NeverDesdemona (2:33:53 AM): How courteous of you. Don't lose any hours on my account.
nightinthesky (2:34:04 AM): Don't get sassy.
NeverDesdemona (2:34:16 AM): Too late. And very cute of you try and tell ME what to do.
nightinthesky (2:34:43 AM): Look, I'm just sayin, I'm making an effort.
NeverDesdemona (2:34:58 AM): Mhm.
nightinthesky (2:35:37 AM): How come I understood you when you were busy in New Orleans, but you can NEVER understand ME when you're here?
NeverDesdemona (2:36:26 AM): Because I'm here. And even when I'm away I still make efforts to let you know what going on with me. I don't drag things out and I say them because I am compelled to, not out of obligation.
NeverDesdemona (2:36:44 AM): And I didn't just read your nutang while I was there, before you messaged me on myspace I was reading it in fact.
NeverDesdemona (2:36:48 AM): I make DAILY
NeverDesdemona (2:36:50 AM): EFFORTS
NeverDesdemona (2:37:00 AM): because I know in less than a year
NeverDesdemona (2:37:06 AM): things are going to change all the more
NeverDesdemona (2:37:09 AM): dramatically.
nightinthesky (2:37:10 AM): You didn't drag anything out of me. I'm not compelled to out of obligation either.
NeverDesdemona (2:37:11 AM): so to speak.
nightinthesky (2:37:19 AM): and I know that
nightinthesky (2:37:24 AM): you think I don't know that?
NeverDesdemona (2:37:33 AM): I said COMPELLED. Being positive. Obligations being negative.
nightinthesky (2:37:33 AM): I've known that for years not
NeverDesdemona (2:37:36 AM): Don't mix the two of them up.
nightinthesky (2:37:41 AM): now*
NeverDesdemona (2:37:45 AM): You sure don't act like it.
nightinthesky (2:37:49 AM): lol
nightinthesky (2:37:51 AM): I do
nightinthesky (2:38:01 AM): that's why I distance myself just a little
nightinthesky (2:38:10 AM): I've had enough people leave my life
NeverDesdemona (2:38:25 AM): that's a cop out.
nightinthesky (2:38:25 AM): I know how to cushion the blow
NeverDesdemona (2:38:28 AM): And it doesn't work.
nightinthesky (2:38:32 AM): it does
nightinthesky (2:38:38 AM): for me
NeverDesdemona (2:38:47 AM): At whose expense.
NeverDesdemona (2:38:55 AM): Selfish prig.
NeverDesdemona (2:39:02 AM): not pig.
NeverDesdemona (2:39:04 AM): PRIG.
nightinthesky (2:39:36 AM): Maybe, but the last few times I haven't been, I've thought of ending my life at the end of it. So, it may just well be worth it.
NeverDesdemona (2:40:13 AM): Ending your life would be the absolute most selfish thing you could do. It'd just be owning to God that time.
NeverDesdemona (2:40:20 AM): of just how selfish humans are.
NeverDesdemona (2:40:56 AM): I know I am. I hate that other people know what's going on with you before I do. I'm generous with every other aspect of my life, whether by birth or by personal choice, all except for my friends.
NeverDesdemona (2:41:05 AM): I am unapologetically, viciously possessive.
nightinthesky (2:42:04 AM): What if I told you that I don't feel that special to you anymore?
nightinthesky (2:42:28 AM): Not becuase you do anything to show/say or anything like that, but just because.
NeverDesdemona (2:42:39 AM): Then that's not my fault, now is it?
NeverDesdemona (2:42:49 AM): How about if I told you that I'm not surprised in the least.
nightinthesky (2:42:48 AM): probably not
NeverDesdemona (2:42:56 AM): You've been moping for more than a year.
nightinthesky (2:43:13 AM): I know...
nightinthesky (2:43:20 AM): I want it to stop.
nightinthesky (2:43:23 AM): I don't know how.
NeverDesdemona (2:43:45 AM): Well, you're not helping yourself out at all.
NeverDesdemona (2:43:56 AM): Especially when it comes to me, if you think that I don't value you anymore.
nightinthesky (2:44:15 AM): It's because I don't value myself. I know it.
NeverDesdemona (2:44:26 AM): Trying to "distance" yourself and all that poppycock will do you no good, none at all, I don't care what you say.
NeverDesdemona (2:44:30 AM): It's just an excuse.
NeverDesdemona (2:44:34 AM): Stop excusing yourself.
nightinthesky (2:44:50 AM): I'm not trying to.
nightinthesky (2:44:57 AM): I just don't know what to do.
NeverDesdemona (2:45:16 AM): Well stop copping out.
NeverDesdemona (2:45:21 AM): for starters.
NeverDesdemona (2:45:30 AM): You're not going to cop out of this friendship by "distancing" yourself.
NeverDesdemona (2:45:48 AM): Because if you do too good of a job, I will grow irrevoccably impatient and forget all about you for my own sake.
NeverDesdemona (2:45:54 AM): that's not what I would ever WANT to do
NeverDesdemona (2:46:05 AM): but I will do it if you leave me with no other option.
NeverDesdemona (2:46:19 AM): And I will do it as if I had been doing it all along. It's in my nature.
nightinthesky (2:46:34 AM): have I been pushing you to that?
NeverDesdemona (2:48:32 AM): Well, you're not making me think you care about me lately. You can SAY plenty, but showing it is a different story. I've never seen you as a "sidekick" or a subordinate companion. You've always been my peer and my equal, but you're not doing a very good job and helping me maintain that perspective.
NeverDesdemona (2:48:50 AM): You keep pushing yourself further and further down to the point that other people are going to start seeing what you see; me included.
nightinthesky (2:49:07 AM): I know
nightinthesky (2:49:18 AM): but I don't know how to see myself properly anymore
nightinthesky (2:49:32 AM): I feel pretty worthless
nightinthesky (2:49:52 AM): What keeps happening in my life only pushes that further
NeverDesdemona (2:49:58 AM): Then stop surrounding yourself with people and things that make you feel that way, whatever who or what they may be.
nightinthesky (2:50:08 AM): Robyn was one
nightinthesky (2:50:20 AM): The rest are my memories...
NeverDesdemona (2:50:51 AM): Well, hence you and roby needing to talk
nightinthesky (2:50:57 AM): My parents, too, probably.nightinthesky (2:51:02 AM): Some people from church.
NeverDesdemona (2:51:04 AM): and you need to come to terms with your past, because now it's water under the bridge.
NeverDesdemona (2:51:11 AM): Stop drowning in it.
nightinthesky (2:51:20 AM): I try.
nightinthesky (2:51:25 AM): I've tried.
NeverDesdemona (2:51:51 AM): Keep trying. to me you're only wallowing.
NeverDesdemona (2:51:56 AM): That's not trying.
nightinthesky (2:52:01 AM): I was trying
NeverDesdemona (2:52:03 AM): You have to fight it to the ground.
nightinthesky (2:52:06 AM): I'm wallowing now...
nightinthesky (2:52:12 AM): I have been for a bit
nightinthesky (2:52:41 AM): but i did used to try.
nightinthesky (2:52:46 AM): I did used to fight.
NeverDesdemona (2:52:49 AM): USED
NeverDesdemona (2:52:54 AM): not going to cut it, man.
NeverDesdemona (2:53:14 AM): You're talking with the wrong gal if you are looking for sympathy.
NeverDesdemona (2:53:17 AM): You're not getting any from me.
nightinthesky (2:53:24 AM): I don't want sympathy
nightinthesky (2:53:24 AM): lol
nightinthesky (2:53:27 AM): thank you though
nightinthesky (2:53:32 AM): that's all I've been getting
nightinthesky (2:53:38 AM): I want direction
nightinthesky (2:53:40 AM): I want help
NeverDesdemona (2:53:45 AM): Don't thank me, bastard. stop throwing the year plus long pity party.
NeverDesdemona (2:53:49 AM): Attitude, man.
NeverDesdemona (2:53:54 AM): Change your attitude.
nightinthesky (2:54:12 AM): Shouldn't I change how I perceive myself first?
nightinthesky (2:54:27 AM): Otherwise the attitude is just fake,no?
nightinthesky (2:54:43 AM): and if so, then how do I change how I perceive myself.
NeverDesdemona (2:54:48 AM): haha
NeverDesdemona (2:54:49 AM): fuck no.
NeverDesdemona (2:54:53 AM): you're inside out.
NeverDesdemona (2:55:31 AM): It's the attitude; you saying FUCK THIS - I'm going to make a change. Wake up everyday and concentrate on small, simple things that make you happy, people who make you happy, and going from there.
NeverDesdemona (2:55:48 AM): From there, your perception will eventually change over time.
NeverDesdemona (2:56:21 AM): It's like how I can do all the character work i want firsthand, but once I've got my costume on and I see myself in a mirror, that's when I all finally makes sense, and my character is alive.
nightinthesky (2:56:54 AM): but then the question is change to what?
nightinthesky (2:57:04 AM): I don't want to go back to being who I used to be
NeverDesdemona (2:57:10 AM): uhm
NeverDesdemona (2:57:12 AM): that's up to you.
nightinthesky (2:57:16 AM): I don't want to be uber-depressed aldo anymore either
NeverDesdemona (2:57:17 AM): Waht do you WANT to change about yourself.
NeverDesdemona (2:57:25 AM): well that's a start, dammit.
NeverDesdemona (2:57:38 AM): You've got to say, want it, and MEAN it.
NeverDesdemona (2:57:49 AM): And not lie on your ass afterward, metaphorically speaking.
nightinthesky (2:57:55 AM): I want to have this sort of Little Miss Sunshine bit going on
nightinthesky (2:58:16 AM): Knowing that out of horribleness something wonderful can occur
nightinthesky (2:58:28 AM): something unexpected, but wonderful
NeverDesdemona (2:58:42 AM): Well duh, such is life.
nightinthesky (2:58:45 AM): moe
NeverDesdemona (2:58:50 AM): you desperately need to get out of your head.
NeverDesdemona (2:58:53 AM): DESPERATELY.
nightinthesky (2:58:54 AM): we're seeing Apocalypto tomorrow night
NeverDesdemona (2:58:59 AM): You're living with shadows.
nightinthesky (2:59:01 AM): what time would you be able to go?
NeverDesdemona (2:59:04 AM): And I'm going to pull you out.
NeverDesdemona (2:59:08 AM): Any time, I don't have a life here.nightinthesky (2:59:19 AM): lol
nightinthesky (2:59:23 AM): what time do you wake up?
nightinthesky (2:59:39 AM): Robyn can't steal you from me, no matter how much she might think
nightinthesky (2:59:49 AM): Hell, Dan can't take you either.
nightinthesky (2:59:57 AM): I'd take him on.
nightinthesky (2:59:59 AM): lol
nightinthesky (3:00:09 AM): Only if you let me, of course.
nightinthesky (3:00:14 AM): I feel better already
nightinthesky (3:00:18 AM): really
nightinthesky (3:00:23 AM): oh moe...
nightinthesky (3:00:25 AM): *hug*
NeverDesdemona (3:00:26 AM): Well, good dammit.
NeverDesdemona (3:00:28 AM): DAMMIT.
NeverDesdemona (3:00:29 AM): LoL
NeverDesdemona (3:00:33 AM): *huuuuuuuugggg*

Oy. *guffaws* I join the tight squeeze. *huuuuug*
» Silver-dot- on 2006-12-29 11:54:02

that makes 2 people who aren't going to let you leave.
» Helena on 2006-12-29 01:08:53

hmm.. thank you much for your comment. i, have, in fact lost her 4 times already... we're back together again.. maybe people think we're crazy.. but we both understand. and we hope we're grown up enough now.. but i think i held up pretty good in the past, i don't know what i'd do if it'd happen again though..
but thank you for your friendship. thank you very much

» ThisCharmingMan on 2006-12-29 06:57:28

that personality is definatley an aquired taste, to bitter for me... NO thank you.
» crochetmama on 2006-12-29 09:51:55

not so much
» crochetmama on 2006-12-31 02:37:54

Very Clever!
Your comment on my site was witty, "Happy Year Made Anew! I like that, made anew"! Thanks elessar257! Did you right the script in this post? !!! Awesome!
» JMC on 2007-01-01 10:08:10

Okay so it's write not right LOL
My head is still a little off since being sick so long with those blasted migraines. It's the pills I tell you, it's the pills! Look forward to catching up on your posts. Sure did miss them. I guess your middle name is Claude - LOL.
» JMC on 2007-01-01 10:12:39

a good friend you have in Moe.
» Zanzibar on 2007-01-04 06:19:07

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