Like a scared little child, I walked down the school's sidewalk looking for my ride. I glanced to my sides as I usually do when I'm nervous. Near one of the school's entrance I caught a glimpse of a short giggly dark brown haired girl. She was in glee over something or another. But the mere shape of her body cast fear in me. I sped up as I walked past her. I then heard her stop laughing as I saw another shadow follow my own. I knew that shadow anywhere. I began to try to run. I couldn't. I knew it was inevitable. I stopped.
She remained in the rest of my dream...

Never ever really left alone, huh?
"Can you pretend I'm amazing?" Everyone keeps talking to me as if I'm being over dramatic or that I don't let things go and so on. I tried. I tried beyond all reason. (Literally.) These thoughts that plague are here to stay. I feel like Russel Crowe in A Beautiful Mind; Having to learn to live with my insanity, with these imaginary people who no one else sees. Andrew understands me as I understand him. This isn't something normal. We've been looking for hope somewhere else. Maybe that wasn't the end. But it was. We won't find another. We can't love another. Once we fall in love, that's it. Wish we had known ahead of time, though...
I thought things could work between me and Robyn. But in the end, I just wasn't enough for her. I don't know if things could have worked. I doubt I could have ever loved her as much as I've loved before. But I thought it could have worked. But that wasn't a choice, I guess. Whatever it is that God is putting me and Andrew through, it's not fun and we wish we knew what it was.

"How did I get here?, the little boy who'd argue with a tree!"






Stop haunting me Nicole Michelle Melman...

I'm sorry about her.
I'll keep you (and your sanity) in my prayers.
As always.
» Helena on 2006-12-20 11:22:13

what a trip
Whoa dude. She really messed you up!
» kKaMa67 on 2006-12-20 01:24:36

But isn't it fun to know something no one else knows? To see that giggly girl at the edge of your vision and giggle yourself because she's giggling? To drown in your own insanity and find that you float? You do, you do! Humans never sink.
» Silver-dot- on 2006-12-20 07:12:00

To clarify
The giggly girl in my dream is my ex. Nikki.
It's been over a year since she broke up with me. Horrible break up. But she's good now. She has a new boyfriend and her life is all set and good. She's happy finally.

And, unfortunately, humans do sink. I've seen my fair share of drowned souls in the depths of the ocean when I neared my own demise.
» elessar257 on 2006-12-21 12:08:05

Know more
I have posted the "before" part in my previous blogs. As for the after... I dont really talk to her much right now. I am just too emotional about it.
» kKaMa67 on 2006-12-21 11:42:46

I like the line drawing from A beautiful mind. I think I know how you feel myself.

I really liked the narrative at the beginning about Nicole.
» Dilated on 2006-12-22 10:26:03

Yes, the beginning was very Dilatedesque, in my opinion. Are you thinking about giving up on love? I did, for the past couple of years. I'm only quasi-bitter about it, and it's worked out splendidly for me. Just think of all the time you used to spend thinking about "her" which you can now spend doing something productive, self-improving, world-improving. What a crippling phenomenon, isn't it, love? A drain of energy, time, brain power.
Bet against love, it makes better science. Or throw yourself into wallowing, love-lorn- that makes better poetry.
A word from your ice-hearted friend Zanzibar, stuck 2000 miles away from family and friends at Christmastime and curiously unmoved.
» Zanzibar on 2006-12-23 12:34:13

I definitely understand what you're saying about the avatar contest, though I don't really consider it any different from an art contest.
» ikimashokie on 2006-12-23 12:35:24

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