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I am
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
Ghosts
Thursday. 10.5.06 11:51 pm
She's right I guess. My friend, Kristina, that is.

"You go through something like that and it changes you."

I'm never going to shake it. My past. What still lurks in the depths of me. Knowing that something that horrible and frightening can be inside me is... well, horrible and frightening. Most times it just seems like a series of bad dreams, you know? There's no way that it could all be true. But it is. Monica would say something along the lines that there isn't any separate entities. It's all the same person. So, what does that mean? Who does that make me? Who have I become? Who have my friends become? Is there no return? Are we all trully this lost? All we can do is but to keep going? Somehow, that doesn't seem fair. But life isn't fair, I guess. So what does all this mean? I wish I could cast this evil to the pits of hell, where it belongs. The bible speaks of how this is my sinful nature. I guess, no matter how faithful you try to be, the possibility to slip is still there. Part of being in this world I guess.

I have alot in my heart. Too much. I can't write it down. It's like squeezing out a brick out of ketchup bottle. This is solid. It's had no place to go for such a long time, thus solidifying.
Maybe someday, it'll work itself out? ha... What'll probably happen is someone or something will come along and tear open that ketchup bottle and remove this brick. If not, the ketchup bottle will just become part of the brick with time.


However cheesy this may be, these lines from Angel the TV show, got to me today.
Fred (In reference to Angel): What do you think he'll do?
Gunn: What he has to. Like he always does.
Fred: Will it make a difference? If we really are just pieces being moved around a board?
Gunn: Then we'll kick it over and start a new game. Look, [Skip] can yap all he wants about [his master's] cosmic plan, but here's a little somethin' I picked up [fighting evil] these past couple of years - the final score can't be rigged. I don't care how many players you grease. That last shot always comes up a question mark. But here's the thing - you never know when you're taking it. It could be when you're duking it out with the Legion of Doom or just crossing the street deciding where to have brunch. So you just treat it all like it was up to you, the world in the balance, 'cause you never know when it is.
3 Comments.


you've a great insight. nice posts really, but i don't really like to comment. it doesnt need comments I guess, you think what you want.. :D
» yipi on 2006-10-06 12:53:07

I love Angel, and I think I remember that episode.

I wish you'd go more indepth with what it is thats eating at 'ya, but I think we can all relate to battling the sin within us, and we all feel shame when we let our sin consume and eventually control our actions. We all slip up.
» Dilated on 2006-10-06 02:38:33

Hm
You seem like a really good person. I don't ususally read many long blogs but Yours caught my attention!

What is bothering you?
» jlo10314 on 2006-10-12 01:44:45

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