Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering why. I hear the hum, the crescendo of broken winds and I think of all the places I�ve been, the friends I�ve had, and I think of her. I remember the smooth rock she gave me on Valentine�s Day, my name written in black ink. I used to just sit stare at her during show and tell, counting how many times she looked my way and smiled. I remember her warm fingers when we held hands, the way she played with my hair when we were silent. I envied the way she closed her eyes when we kissed, eyelids soft and relaxed, while mine stayed open. I think of all the girls since and the things we whispered in bed. All the secrets I�ve heard and the ones which didn�t need to be spoken to be understood. Of friends who didn�t fit; a crushed square in a broken circle. The room I made for the ones who never bothered to stay, whose things remained behind, untouched memories echoed off the hallow walls; others still, hanging off the edge of places where I had no room, whose grip began to tire over time, and they fell away silently. It�s a wonder why things are the way they are, a gorgeous chaos I beg to be still. There are choices I�ve made from different colors of grey, and I�ve tried to pick the one with the lightest shade. It doesn�t help when I wander on, lost in a transient shuffle, another block of time pissed away, another year gone by; how did I get here and where did I lose my way? Insomnia is something I try to fix with a pill. Depression and ADD with more pills. But some things are hard to fix. I search for little pieces of me sometimes and try to connect them so I know how it feels to be whole. I hug my pillow at night, my way of feeling love when there is no one else, and I hope it will change, because we all have flaws we try to hide and we secretly hope someone will come along whose free spirit won�t make us feel so ashamed. And sometimes I think we just have to smile to the soft brush of broken winds, because the world would be an awfully lonely place if we didn�t learn how to love broken things.

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.