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dave
Age. 41
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
Pana Valley
219th day of 2005
Not sure whether to start in the beginning of my travels, or the end, so I'll start somewhere in the middle. I'll start with the tale of Pana Valley.

Somewhere between Morocco and Algeria, there's a little known place called Pana Valley. In fact, I doubt that you could even find it on the map.

Anyway, I started off my travels with a whole $5 in my pocket. By the time I arrived at PV, I was broke and shoeless. I hadn't had food in about a week, and my breath smelled like shit.

Left with few options, I sold myself into the slave market so that at least I could get some food, shelter, and a few dunkaroos in my wallet. (Dunkaroos was the local currency. It's widely used in the Meandersi Province.)

Ironically, my owner was a poor man. He bought me as a desperate means of saving his failing grape & banana farm. As it turned out, I had a natural talent for g&b breeding, and soon, the business was thriving. Local farms closed down, and we saw our market share grow exponentially.

My owner was very grateful for my help and treated me well. He had to. Though I had asserted my loyalty to him, I could tell he was still worried that I may run away.

One day he approached me and beseeched that I marry his daughter. Of course, I resisted, but he seemed relentless and I was already undeniably in love with her, as she was quite the babe. And so, after a few hours of paddywackeling I consented, and he arranged for our wedding ceremony to be on the very next day.

News broke out instantly, as the media people of PV were always hidden in the foilage and sewage system. This celebration was gonna be huge. My owner, and soon to be in-law father, hired the most famous entertainers in the valley, including Mickey Trump and the Hallucinators.

What should have been the happiest night of my life turned out to be an utter tragedy! You see, our success had earned us lots of dunkaroos and lots of enemies. Ergo, around midnight on the night of my wedding, we were attacked -- by an army of mantaurs.


They ravaged the party, killing anyone in sight. My inebriated father was torn to shreds within seconds. I would have died that night too if it weren't for my quick-minded wife. She tossed me on her back and told me to wrap my arms tightly around her. Then she ran like a Brazilian ostrich. As I soon discovered, my wife was also quite athletic.

Most of the mantaurs were busy destroying our guests, but one caught our escape. It ran after us, howling like a pregnant cow.


The mantaur was breathing down my back for nearly 2 hours. Finally, its endurance began to weaken, and the distance between us started to grow like a German daffodil on a summer day. My wife was panting like a clown on steroids, but I urged her to continue sprinting. We finally stopped when we were sure we had lost that wretched beast.

"Where are we?" I asked. "It looks like some kind of nightmarish forest."

"I have.. no.. idea," she managed to say in between breaths.

Then! we heard a maniacal scream in the distance. It sounded like.. actually, I have no accurate comparison to make.

"Wtf was that?" I whimpered, like a baby gorilla with a mouthful of cavities.

"Oh no," my wife looked me in the eyes and continued, "I know where we are... We are in the Jungle of the Retarded Ninjas."

~~~~
By the way, how do you like the new music I put on my page? I wrote it while studying under the master guitarist and swordsman, ڻګڬڭښڛڄٿڻ.

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All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.
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dave little-b JMC Dilated
19 Comments.


Haha...
good stuff...I can't hear the music, but that's prolly because of my comp., not because there is none.
» KatnicityAnnToTheMax on 2005-08-08 02:54:09

i don't live too far from Ithica....I live maybe a little less than an hour away, right outside of Elmira, on the Pa side...just thought i'd let ya know that..haha
» ChrissyBabe1718 on 2005-08-08 09:49:40

Heyy
hEY! Umm...thnx for the info, I'm kindof new to this...yea so peace Dara
» DiRtyxLilSeCreT on 2005-08-08 12:03:59

LOL!! I love ya story!! also love the WWF screenshot as well, WWF, the good ol days, lol Can't listen to ur music right now though, I'll comment about that later on...
» CPKviperpheonix on 2005-08-08 01:38:51

Haha. =)
» juiCyy on 2005-08-08 01:41:03

FFTL is a band (From First to Last)
» ieatsharpobjects on 2005-08-08 04:04:40

If I give you a cookie, will you follow me to the mental institute? Where I can trade you in for $40. :D
» little-b on 2005-08-08 07:54:28

It's Setzer's Theme from the BEST game of the final fantasy series...Final Fantasy VI.

Dunkaroos are a currency? You mean the little cookie things?! Those are awesome...i miss them... edible currency...cool.
» Ajibalaji89 on 2005-08-08 10:31:24

I remember my friend Reggie had a nutang account, and he showed me in my sophomore world history class. This was back in '04. He told me to get an account, and he helped me make it. I remembered I had it because I only had a xanga and myspace account. Not a whole lot to keep me from remembering. And so I logged in, after a couple tries guessing the PW. And yep. I started using it. There's my autobiography. =)
» juiCyy on 2005-08-09 02:12:42

WOW nice autobiography juicy! Reallly cool
YAY!! I can finally listen 2 ur music b/c I'm at home, and it rocks!! I'm liking it alot, dave
» CPKviperpheonix on 2005-08-09 03:05:29

thanks for the welcome back dave
i like the arabic, it makes me feel at home. 8-)
» samuwamu on 2005-08-09 04:06:38

Thank you for welcoming me!
» aisforapple on 2005-08-09 10:32:01

thanks for the hint. that game is fun even though it's kinda hard.
» OldSchooler on 2005-08-10 09:21:32

my wallpaper
no..I didnt make it..I got it from a picture site....:( Im not that talented dave! haha
» xxJillybaberzxx on 2005-08-11 12:24:53

I bet dunkaroos are tastey.
Of course, now I want some chocolate.
» invisible on 2005-08-11 01:59:04

wow. that was pretty amazing. all your entries are great. you should know that you have won the unofficial award for best and most detailed entries. pat yourself on the back, man.
» zero_jak on 2005-08-11 06:11:54

you're welcome.
breaking ben.? is that the type of music they make? i don't really listen to them that much. actually, i never listen to them.
» zero_jak on 2005-08-11 06:25:54

oh, ok. i will have to pick up one of their cd's, then.
» zero_jak on 2005-08-11 06:43:48

Thank you. But why a bad egg?
» juiCyy on 2005-08-17 04:36:12

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