Adda Mabalina

Ex.
It was his birthday recently. I said happy birthday. I think I�ve said it before, but I truly hope the best for him. I know writing about him makes you think I�m probably still in love with him. I�m not. But that doesn�t mean I don�t think about him from time to time. This dude saw me grow up. From 21 until 26. He saw me before I became a nurse, when I started my career, and the growth that my profession provided me. He gets credit for shaping me through 5 years of my life. At one point, we both thought this was it. My family also thought this was it. I told him about the heart shaped engagement ring I wanted, we talked about how our wedding hopefully would be a destination one so some family members won�t come (lol). We talked about having kids and what we would do differently from our parents. At the same time, I would wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and stare at him. I�d think �this isn�t what I want.� Isn�t that scary? I stayed after feeling that way on and off for a year and a half. That sounds harsh. Part of me, I�m sure stayed because I was comfortable. But a big part of me stayed because I wanted us to work despite my feelings. I thought, fake it until you make it. I thought that this was a normal feeling couples have. I now realize it isn�t normal. And if it is, it�s toxic. Every time I look back and time passes, I realize we weren�t a good fit. We couldn�t make eachother happy. I think we tried very hard, but we couldn�t. I really miss him though. As a friend, as a confidante, as my best secret keeper. But you can�t be selfish and keep someone for those reasons when you don�t love them anymore. Not when they want more. Also, how do you move on and trust someone new if you continue to depend on someone from your past? You can�t.

New beau
and then, there�s Seth. He�s pretty darn cool. He�s the guy that told me we are going to get married, have two kids, and live in a one story house. So sweet lol. I was worried before my vacation, to ask him if we are exclusive. I�m clearly still healing from my breakup, so I don�t want to be official yet. But I didn�t want to date someone who still is looking for other options. He told me the day before I asked him if we were exclusive that he always knew he wouldn�t find the one until he was in his 30�s. I jokingly said �well, here I am!� And he chuckled.
The next day I asked him, very nervously:
�So...we�re only dating eachother right?�
He jokingly said �well, you basically proposed to me yesterday...�
�So! What does that mean? Lol. We�re only dating eachother right?�
�Deal�
�You promise?�
�I promise�

He took me to the airport for my vacation. I�m still on it! Went to EDC and now I�m SD with the family. When I get back, Seth is going to Oregon for work. Can�t tell him because of dating rules lol, but I miss him. I�ve been having a blast without him ^___^ but I mostly miss cuddling with him.

Anyways. That�s all for today. I�m done lol. Let�s hope they both don�t read these blogs haha!