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Day 1 again
Monday. 6.15.10 3.27am
it's another day 1 here again.
the last time i am here, 2 years ago.
insanity. i actually left here for so long.
but then again, wow.

sigh...
final exam in 5 hours time
i am only halfway through my studies
and then i am blogging.
and cleaning my blog.
i decided i shall have a new start
so all those posts that existed here,
are deleted.

i feel so bad
i should be studying
but i am procrastinating
because i am really tired of studying
like really really tired.

but still, i am glad
my 2 guppies are still alive
chasing each other in the big tupperware i put them in
the original home broke
but they seems to be enjoying in their new home
fishies.
just can't figure them.
for the last few weeks
i have been trying to keep fishes
but they just keep dying on me
had to see them struggle before they die
i feel so bad.
but i am so so so happy
these 2 are still alive.
please, stay alive longer.

the last part.
i am together with somebody
but i need time
before i can start telling people
i am with her.
and i felt so bad
because it's unfair to her
and it's selfish of me to keep her hidden
but i am trying
i am telling my friends
one by one.
sigh. i am sorry.
blame it on the first try.
i told my good friend and she almost killed me
so i don't dare tell anyone
but i shall tell another friend tomorrow
let's try telling one person per day
it will work. many would soon know.
i hope.
i wish i have more courage...
sigh...

bye bye.
need to study again.

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another paper gone
Tuesday. 6.15.10 2:24pm
another paper gone. sigh. i felt suffocated right before the exam but i can't decide if it was because i was running before that or it was because of my anxiety. sigh. and right after the exam, although i am starving (no proper meal since last night till now), i thought i could just collapse and sleep on my bed (deprived of sleep too). but she was there almost crying in pain. sigh. she said she got food poisoning and started talking about conspiracies of my friends trying to kill her. sigh. somebody tried cooking and made her tried the experiment. sigh. poor her.

there are times when i am depressed and i don't dare to go look for the counselor. she's kinda scary. the last time i remember seeing her, she was more worked up than me when she realised i got depression. as if if there is a super potion that can cure me instantly, she is ready to go get it even if it's in some remote corner of Earth. She is too enthusiastic and it feels rather scary. it always feel like she is ready to drag me to somewhere to start working on my problems. and she insisted on ideas all the time. 'Dance! make sure you dance! or do any exercise when you feel sad!' <--- she said it with super big and serious eyes and body ready to dance with me. i am scared of her... ...

and she always ask what do i really want when i go look for her. she said since i go and look for her, it would means i want help and she keep asking me how she can help me... ... i know i am depressed... ... i just need somebody to talk to... ... that's all. there are times she is so aggressive that i just want to run out of the counseling room. but sigh... ... she looks new to that profession i really don't want to hurt her... ... i don't dare to tell her too. i am afraid she might take it too hard. sigh.

Dear Dear is the best!!! haha. :D i like it when she hugs me tight and at times wait patiently just for me to kiss her. :D she is the best!!! hahahaha

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pool!!!
Saturday. 6.26.10 6:44 am
i am now learning how to play pool
it's a frowning game
first, i can't strike
next, i can't aim
die.
sigh.
i felt bad making her teach me again and again
this is the third time.
and each time, i need to start all over
because i forgot how to play
but i still want to learn
for her.
probably won't be a very good player though
sigh.
and i am draining her patience
bit by bit
but she is still trying to teach me
every moment
how nice is that?
when i am thinking hard what ball's next
she is already sweating from the teaching
haha.
so nice.
i wish one day i can play
like really really nice
so that she does not need to frown anymore
the moment she see me trying to aim.

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