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penniless
Thursday. 8.5.10 2:46 am
my bank account is left with only 200++ and i am going to make it last till december. how? i don't know. but i assume there is always a way to do it? let's experiment with it. :D but i need 80 for textbook. k la. 120 for half a year.

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6-death worthy?
Sunday. 6.20.10 7:03 pm
right before the exam period started.
my mind keep telling me
i might as well just die, if i fail again
i really really don't want to fail
and i really really don't want to kill myself
but why?
why is my mind telling me all these?
i want things to go back to how it used to be
i don't want any more exams
i don't want any more stress
i am bad at handling stress

sigh...

please?
let's just hope i can do well this time
really.
i can't afford to fail anymore
really can't.
their mouths are filled with forgiving words
but their hearts are not as forgiving as their mouths
one last paper.
let me survive my school years
at least this year.
please.

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DIE!! U DIE!!!
Sunday. 6.20.10 10:08 AM
DIE U....GO DIE!!!
STUDY LOUSY EXAMS!!!
EITHER YOU DIE OR I DIE...
I DON'T WANT TO DIE
SO YOU DIE.

I PRAY THAT THE EXAM PAPER ROOM SUDDENLY EXPLODE
AND ALL THE EXAM PAPERS WILL START BURNING
AND WITH THE CHAOS AND THE BURNT PAPERS
DIE U. THEN I HAVE NO EXAMS

I PRAY THAT THE SCHOOL SUDDENLY CHANGE SYSTEM
NO NEED EXAMS ALSO CAN PASS
AND ALL THE PAPERS CAN BE THROWN AWAY
DIE U. AGAIN. AND I WILL HAVE NO EXAMS

I PRAY THAT THE LECTURER WOULD SUDDENLY WALK IN
AND SAY SOME OF THE QUESTIONS ARE WRONGLY STRUCTURED
AND FEELING APOLOGETIC
SHE SAY, 'YOU ALL WILL BE GRANTED MARKS EVEN WHEN YOU ARE WRONG'

SIGH.i just wish i can pass. i pray so hard so hard that i would pass. or else i die.

DIE YOU. EXAM PAPERS. DIE.

sometimes, i wish i am in some corner of the world where education is not that important. after all, work knowledge is totally different from school knowledge. it won't be of much use.

LET'S GO BACK TO STONE AGE WHERE PAPER ARE NOT INVENTED YET. THEN THEY SHALL HAVE NO PAPER TO PRINT THE EXAM QUESTIONS. MUAHAHAHA.

how i wish.

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I
Sunday. 6.27.10 10:14 am
i can't deal with negative feelings at all. like totally can't. sigh. sad. i don't care. i want that place. i am so going to convince her. if not, i shall move without her knowing.

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endless
Monday. 8.2.10 12:17 am
keep it little,
keep it slow,
i don't really care.
just keep it away from me.

i can stand no more
the endless chants
the endless thoughts
how they surround everything, anything.

the concern thoughts
the caution made
i understand how it's for me
but still, endless kills me.

let it end, let hope.
but i can't, shall not.
she will be hurt, but me?
i bite my lips, please stop.

bit by bit i tried to walk
little by little i struggle
just when i thought i moved a little
the chains pull me back to the wall i stray away from

i know. i really really know.
it's for my own good.
but will you ever know
how painful those chains are?

tell me please, what do you see.
have you ever tried seeing the way i did
or did you just take a look and assume
it was something of your history?

let's make it work, i pray.
i will study hard, i swear.
little by little, I'll prove.
i know my ways, you'll see.

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down
Tuesday. 8.24.10 11:36 pm
i struggled for a few days, sleepless nights and endless anxiety, just to finish my part of the assignment. but when it's time to put everything together, i realised there is one part of my assignment is overlapping with another group mate's part. and i feel down, for he did it so much better than mine that i actually suggested to take my part off. i feel down. he makes me look like i did not work hard enough to do it the way he did. but i am glad. we now have a better assignment because of him. :)

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