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Barren Illusion
"If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal- that is your success. All nature is your congratulation, and you have cause momentarily to bless yourself. The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality. Perhaps the facts most astounding and most real are never communicated by man to man. The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched." - Henry David Thoreau
FEED MEH!
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Is Jack Bauer the new Chuck Norris?
lunes, 16 de enero, 2006
I like 24. I haven't seen all the episodes, but it's pretty easy to get into it even if I start watching in the middle of an episode. I know the gist of what happened each season. Why am I so excited for this particular day, though?? Return of Elisha Cuthbert? Re-emergence of C. Thomas Howell??? Kiefer-love reaching uncharted territory????

As for the first half of the "premiere event":
HOLY SHIT
Oh. No. They. Didn't.

Top Thirty Jack Bauer Facts

1. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
3. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
4. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man. *dies of laughter*
5. Children don't believe in Santa anymore because they know Jack Bauer killed him. The few people that believe in Santa know that Jack Bauer is torturing him.
6. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
7. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
8. Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...you don't wanna know...
9. Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack fucking Bauer.
10. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
11. If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.
12. If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
13. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
14. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
15. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
16. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
17. Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
18. While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
19. David Spade always says 'yes' to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
20. If Jack Bauer had been on Oceanic 815 there would no Lost.
21. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
22. Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
23. Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
24. As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
25. Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.
26. Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
27. Jack Bauer shouldn't be compared to Jesus. Jack rose from the dead not once, but twice.
28. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
29. Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
30. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
- source
01:03

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Recommended by 2 Members
dave bluetopaz
6 Comments.


lol, it looks like Jack Bauer just might be.....
» CPKviperpheonix on 2006-01-16 03:19:56

Jack Bauer is a great warrior
that list is hilarious; you have left me no choice but to purloin it.
» dave on 2006-01-16 11:57:19

Awesome
I absolutely love the last one.
"Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make hiim dead. It just makes him angry."
» invisible on 2006-01-16 01:07:19

NO HE IS NOT. JACK BAUER IS TO CHUCK NORRIS AS BOBBY BROWN IS TO MOHAMMED ALI. They both fight, but Bobby can't hold Mo's jock.
» Dilated on 2007-06-16 04:49:50

No body can EVER replace Chuck Norris! EVER! EVERRRRRRRR!!!!!!

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
» randomjunk on 2007-06-17 04:27:12

I join. So happens.
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» Bert (60.217.232.68) on 2010-09-03 10:39:11

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