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What really grinds my gears
Thursday. 7.12.07 11:37 am
Insecurities have made me who I am today. My lack of self-esteem in myself from years past was the trigger to bury my former self and resurrect a better individual; at least, I would hope so.

Seriously, I have no idea what was going on in my head before where I had to literally pretend to be someone else to feel accepted. I think it was because I couldn't accept myself: physically, mentally and especially emotionally. Looking back, I can see how much my encounters with people and the activities I partcipated in my past have totally shaped who I am now.

My fallout with some of those I considered close at one point to my sudden and abrupt dropout of a hiphop dance team to infidelity to an eventual breakdown... it's been one hell of a ride. Of course I contributed to a lot of my burdens, but if none of that happened, where, or WHO, would I be now? Sometimes I click on random blogs from the jump off points on my page and I get inspiration from those that I read. Some people have several followers as seen by the comments, others have absolutely none. But does that mean the latter isn't as equal as the former? No. It just means that someone has yet to appreciate their thoughts enough to leave a trackback, not some stupid pornomatic spambot with those dumb links to whatever tickles your pickle porn.

I've never been one to get nekkid on my blog, but is it an increasing trend? I mean, WOW. Some people have balls (no pun intended) to do such a thing. Not that I'm not confident enough in myself to do the same, but it's just, you know, not my thing. Besides, I feel like if I ever resorted to that I would feel trashy. Not saying that those who do are, but that is definitely relative to the individual. If done creatively, than it could be a beautiful thing, but otherwise, you might as well have exhibitionist tatted on your forehead and call it a day. But I guess some people like that as well.

Alright, enough with the incessant banter. I need to get back to work while watching Naruto 3 on the iPhone.

Categories: ,


I think you have to truly accept yourself before you are happy in life.
» Princess_00 on 2007-07-12 12:01:09

Hahaha, I laugh at it too :DD.
» ShaShaBoo on 2007-07-12 01:25:37

You have an iPhone.
How is that thing? I'm skeptical about its true usefulness.

Anyway, more important things. I'm confused about the spambot rant, since I don't think any Nutangers have those "particular" links in their blogs...unless you're talking about somewhere else and I'm just clueless.

The whole "acceptance" fiasco used to be really important to me. I'm sure it probably is, but I don't notice it quite as much, only when good things happen. My Myspace lies six feet under and I only hang out with people who I can be myself around, none of that pseudo-personality junk. It sounds like you've gotten more comfortable with yourself, which is good. Now just stop watching Naruto and you'll be fine :)

(Haha I don't know much about the show, or the significance of the "3", but there's just too much filler! For me at least. Whatever, enjoy watching it on your iPhone :))
» The-Muffin-Man on 2007-07-12 04:03:22

I hear you were almost ran over by an attorney. Terribly sorry.
» The-Muffin-Man on 2007-07-12 04:03:56

You have an iPhone??
That's really cool! Tell us about it.. I'm yet to see one here.

It doesn't really matter how people look or think of you because pretending to be someone you aren't and doing something you think is a waste of time is really hard and you're better off being happy. One thing I realised since I started college is that sometimes you need to find your own happiness and don't depend on anyone else to find it for you because that rarely happens.

There's like this term.. where people say: "this is my blog and I can do what I want with it and you have the right to chose whether to read it or not". But to me, I sometimes think that whatever you post in your blog should be whatever you're comfortable for people to know and not for the sake of trends and simply to get people to notice. Though there are laws Malaysian bloggers have to follow.. even though I think it's ridiculouse.. I still need to follow it unless if I want to get in trouble with the Government.
» Nuttz on 2007-07-12 10:32:31

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