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I Stand
Saturday. 8.27.05 11:25 pm
I know I should not feel this way. But I do. I am solemn, alone, restless. I can do nothing but contemplate how my life is and the successes I have thus achieved; but with each success comes a price. I wake myself each day to a beautiful world, full of things beyond my everyday perception. Yet I feel alone. But I know I'm not. I have the love and support of my family, and some of the best friends I could ask for. Yet I feel alone. At least right now I do.

I ask myself why I feel this way. It's quite simple now that I think about it. My trust has been broken. And I have broken trust. It's a double standard that I cannot overlook. I made mistakes and did my best to grow from them. Yet here I am, feeling sorrow, sadness; an arduous night will definitely follow, although I know I have all the support I need.

My mental emotional struggles bind me to where I almost can't breathe. I feel pain when I should feel happiness. Anger rises when I know it should not. It's not worth it I tell myself. Yet here I am, angry for what has happened.

Broken faith has lead me into this path that I trace with my fingertips each day I rise. Friendships I thought would live with me for the rest of my life have died. And along with them my trust in those I once truly cared for. Now a simple image of them spurns a lifetime of torment and a burning desire to know why. Is this what you all wanted? An enemy? An adversary?

I will not let any of you get the best of me. Because none of you deserve any recognition for the infinite possibilities our once fruitful friendships held. Apathy is all you will get from me this day forward. Nothing more.

Nothing more.

An emotional wall takes forever to tear down. Brick by brick you cart away the past that haunts you, the guilt, the pain, the heartache. All the bricks meant to protect you from being hurt again weigh more than the world, and are carried away with delicacy, hesitation and doubt. And after all is said and done, it takes 30 seconds to throw a new one back into place when things go wrong....
» SilverWolf on 2005-08-27 11:48:43

I'll be your friend. No, seriously. =)
» juiCyy on 2005-08-28 01:52:59

Do you still haev any of those friendships that you thought would last forever back in highschool? I fear that my efforts.. and her efforts'll be in vain once I leave town for college. I Don't want to grow apart, but is it inevitable? That you grow from people you're away from.. It seems.. it's easy to grow with people who live far away and close to home, but when you move away from the closer ones, they seem to more easier broken.. I dunno.
» Dilated on 2005-08-28 12:55:56

Thank you so much for being interested!!!! Currently we are looking for things for Theresa that she can call her own. Like I said before she is 9 and she is your typical girl. Books, Clothes, Toys. If you wish to donate something you can mail it to me at 43458 Gadsden Ave Apt 165 Lancaster, CA 93534 and once she gets to North Carolina and has an address I will forward it to her. : )
» aisforapple on 2005-09-03 10:23:16

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