bcmst3000's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

ok heres the skeeze: Scott W is the owner, Scott S is (was) the General manager, and matt is the operations manager (my department) matt is the only one of the 3 who has any idea what hes doin so hes the only one i listen to. the other 2 hate that, but fuck 'em, i do my job well and i can only do it well when i dont do what they say. matt had an injury and was absent today, so both scotts needed to do his job. yes, thats right, the owner and GM had to get together to do one mans job who is below both of them. and all day it seemed like a contest between the scotts to see who can completely fuck up the day by doing the dumbest thing ever. and ill tell ya folks it was a close one so my day was fucked, i did a job that 3 guys should have done and actually did it in good ass time, because i am a 'workaholic' i know but screw that it needed to get done so i busted ass and did it. no half-assing dammit. so i about killed myself to go back to the shop only to find more fucking retardedness. so after days like today of me doing 300% and other guys doing like 63% i think i have every right to quit. the other guys call me dumb for working so hard and i call them lazy pussies and they dont like that. but we all know brians policy: fuck 'em. so anyway i have every right to quit and tell them i wont come back until matt is here and he calls me. but part of me thinks 'fuck these assholes, i can do anything, sure all this sucks but i can do it'. and i want to stay and prove to myself that i can. i hate quitting. maybe its because im not a quitter or maybe im a stubborn assed taurus. i think its a little bit of both. i think i dont want to quit and my stubborness helps me go on. i think its a form of strength in its own way. but im usually stubborn for something i believe in. as many people know i usually dont let the females pay for dinner, and i never do if its any kind of date. its what i believe so it never happens. and its caused some friction, some females try to pay and i flat out refuse. and i know its because im stubborn but fuck that. i believe in something i will act it out, so long as it doesnt hurt anyone. i believe rapists should be brutally tortured for the rest of their life then teased with brief moments of pleasure to make the torture even worse, but thats causing pain so im not as quick to act on it. but something like the money thing i believe in i will always act on. some call it stubborn, but i like the word dedicated, or goal-oriented better. its all the same thing i hate quitting. so although its ridiculous for me to bust my ass in this situation i still will because i cant quit. i think not quitting something that i know i should quit should be considered stubborn and i admit to that. but its how i am so all the pain i bring upon myself is my fault. but im also not blaming anyone else. i feel i need that pain to prove what im capable of so the pain and struggle becomes worth it. all great things take effort and struggle. i thought i had a good relationship, then it started to turn sour, so i thought 'ok i need to keep working at it, try to make her happy because it has to balance out, all good things take effort' then even when she wouldnt make any effort, i stayed around because i hate quitting. then i didnt quit something i knew i should have and that was being stubborn. listen, this is the way i am. i acknowledge it as a flaw at times, but its a strength at times so i will remain stubborn. oh and sorry my writings are hard to follow sometimes, i type whats in my head as it comes up and what im feeling, and its all a big mess up there too so it comes out hard to follow sometimes. i read through it fine but its my head so of course i would. Ha! this is the sort of crap Ivy has to figure out. good luck