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This is insane
The workload that the baboons are forcing me to do is getting unbearable. They're making me chip boulders in the quarry, and then break the boulders down into rocks so they may use them as pets. Pet rocks. That is the benefit they recieve from my labor. Maybe I shouldn't have taken this job. The heat on this island is crazy. I'm used to 20 degrees below zero, and it's like 100 here!

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Flattering Story
Here is a story written about me. Although it's highly flattering, it's also incredibly inaccurate. I will be writing the true version soon.

An isolated monastery stands on the edge of a steep rocky mountain in the high Himalayas. It has remained accessible only to few daring human beings. Some have come across the monastery led by mistaken routes. Some have ventured to climb up the mountain, but they have lost their lives on the way back. The treacherous location of the monastery has made it a mystical place in the mountains. Afraid that their offspring might be tempted to get to the monastery, parents and grandparents have told fables of a Lama who has lived in the monastery for thousands of years. 'The Lama who never dies' - as they call it - has rarely been seen by the nearby villagers. Those who claimed to have seen the Lama describe him as an old crippled man. Others describe him as a giant man clad in fur. Some claim to have seen him with a giant snowman popularly known as the Yeti.

Whatever people have claimed, only one person has survived the mystic of the monastery - the Lama himself. The Lama has lived in the monastery for a long time - longer than an average mortal life. Like the monastery, the Lama remains a mystery himself.

Many years ago, the young Lama ventured into the mountains herding a group of yaks. One day, as he was enjoying a siesta, he saw the reflection of a metallic object in the mountains. Curious what the shiny object would be, he strenuously climbed up the mountain. He found what looked like an abandoned monastery. As he opened the door, he heard a loud roaring voice echoing from the mountains. "You will serve as the immortal priest in this monastery. You will be empowered to protect the monastery and bring harmony to its surroundings." The young Lama's family never saw him again.

Back in the mountain, the Lama became bonded with the monastery. He found an abundance of food and books inside - plenty to keep him occupied in the middle of nowhere. In no time he had become engulfed in books and gained a plethora of ancient wisdom. There came a night when the moon shone in full and he finished reading his last book. As the night progressed, the Lama transformed into what looked like a beastly figure. Gray fur grew out of his body and limbs, and he grew many folds in size. He had become what we know today as the Yeti. The night transformed into morning and the Lama transformed back into his human form.


Many years ago, emperors of two Himalayan countries bonded their relationship by marrying one's daughter, princess Bhrikuti, to another's son, prince Songtsen Gampo. The newly wed royal couple set on a journey to the groom's homeland with an entourage of an army and treasures. The journey was long and exhausting. The hungry eyes of highland vultures pried upon the caravan. And in the distance, the Lama watched the procession with awe. He had never seen so many people congregated in a caravan before.

Night fell and the royal caravan decided to camp in the base of the mountain for the night. The full moon made it easier for the royal entourage to move around in the night. Exhaustion had deeply encroached the group. After dinner, everyone fell fast asleep.

The night deepened and clouds covered the moon in the sky. In the darkness of the half-moonlit night, figures lurked in the campsite. They advanced toward the tent that held the royal treasures. They quietly carried the treasures away. They returned after a while and advanced toward the tent that housed the royal couple. Witnessing a group of bandits breaking into their tent, prince Songsten rose up to protect princess Bhrikuti. Before long the prince realized that both he and the princess had been tied with a rope. Their mouths had been covered with linen so they could not speak or yell. Their guards had already been slain. The prince stared helplessly at his bride as the bandits carried her away.

The bandits carried the princess and the treasures up into the mountains. They had not gone that far when they noticed a beastly figure standing on their way. "It's the Yeti!," cried one bandit. Everyone stood in horror. All of a sudden, the sky cleared and the clouds gave way to the moon. The Yeti shone brightly in the moonlight. One of the daring bandits got on his knees and attacked the Yeti. But before he could attack, Yeti's fist delivered a powerful blow to his cranium. Watching their partner being thrown to the ground like a rock, the bandits started trembling. They slowly managed to lift him up and then they fled in the mountains.

Princess Bhrikuti lay on the ground staring frightfully at the Yeti. The boxes of treasures lay scattered on the dusty ground. The Yeti lifted the princess helping her to get on her feet. But before Yeti could look around, an army of royal guards surrounded him. "Kill that animal," cried one guard. A few other guards rushed toward the princess and carried her to the safety of the guards. Believing that the Yeti was the one to abduct the princess, the guards started throwing their spears and arrows at the Yeti. Hurt by the spears and arrows, the Yeti turned around and ran for its safety in the mountains.

Over at the royal camp, the princess tried to convince the prince that the Yeti was innocent. Prince Songtsen and his army believed that the Yeti was also an accomplice. The princess cried, but nobody listened to her. The morning came and the royal caravan resumed its journey.

In the monastery, the Lama sat nursing his wounds from a remorseful incident. The Yeti was rarely seen after that.

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I'm new. I was transferred over here to Picalladin as part of the Team Leader Exchange Program. A Yeti being exchanged is like the native cactus turkey being stuffed for Thankstaking Dinner. The idea sounds great, sure, but it tastes way better. Especially when you consider the dislocation of a big, hairy beast such as myself being thrown into a tropical, underground factory built in the depths of a volcano. I'll be producing more sweat than I can sell! [Well maybe that's not true if you take into account the recent demand in the Peruvian black market!]

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