It's around three o' clock in the afternoon on one of the most beautiful days of the summer. We're just folding our chairs after spending half an hour or so in the sand--plenty of time, considering the fact that his gorgeous house sits beachfront. He takes my chair from me and grins when I gently tell him to let me help him by carrying my own chair.

"No."

Nothing is more endearing than this smiling rejection. "Okay," I tell him, as he takes my chair. "Thank you."

We walk through the winding path back to his yard, and end up back on the screened-in porch, his cat in my lap and a welcome ocean breeze keeping me cool.

I don't know much about Clif, I think, but then we talk like it's nothing...for hours. His strangeness and mine are like warm (but not sweaty) hands knit together, in that comforting way that could be friendship, but could also turn into more.

The beauty is in the lack of expectations or rules. If we want to sit, and talk, and watch the ocean for several hours, we do. If we don't talk for several weeks, that's also okay. Time isn't always so relevant, with the right people. My best friend always used to say we were like magnets, in that we could endure months of silence, only to snap back together like no time had passed, later. It's true. Some links just work that way--which doesn't mean they should always have to (links can degrade, if you don't change together, or start to feel left behind), but rather that it's a convenient outcome of naturally-imposed distance.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at.

Sitting there with him is so peaceful that I catch myself with a relaxed smile on my face, several times, even as a silence washes over both of us. Things are easy, which is, if you haven't noticed, a somewhat new concept to me, as far as men are concerned. I'm used to dealing with the game, or playing a role, or feeling pressured to feel a certain way in a hurry, rather than this--whatever "this" is, whatever it encompasses.

Part of healing, for me, has been being completely honest about situations, and I'm really glad that the task has been so blissfully easy, so far. Today, an old friend asked me how I've been, and I happily told her, "Great."

And meant it.


I drive home in a wonderful mood.

I wish I could find more people like that.
» randomjunk on 2013-07-17 06:02:22

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