language.


Since I'm going on a retreat on the 6th and not coming back for a week, then taking like THREE DAYS before heading to California for a week, I'll update now.

BUHHH...

Nothing is new, really. I've been having a stressful day--like, the type of day where my eye starts twitching during a meeting because people are that terrible and aggravating. I had to use all the will in me, today, to keep myself from pulling a guy's trachea out through his anus because he kept making jokes that trivialized the situations women are actually put in on a regular basis.

So there's one more professionalism session I'll have to bring to a club that shouldn't need it. He was jokingly complaining about how we only have one guy on the board... Well, mate, you're really giving us a great reason to reduce that population even more.


I saw my ex-boyfriend, yesterday, and I think he made an attempt to smile at me. I had many things I wanted to say. Namely, "Don't try to push your horny repentance on me; I don't want to look at you, much less feel obligated to smile at you. You're not coming back into my life, not even as a three-episode guest star."

If you leave, stay gone. If I ask you to leave, stay gone. After either point, I don't want you back without a big old "I was wrong and here's how and here's what I've done to change."

Without all that, I'm just getting back into my same shitty situations, and that just isn't me, anymore. I don't know why it ever was. I guess I was afraid of what it would feel like to cut someone out.

--For the record, liberating. Liberating is how it feels.


I'm excited for the retreat I'm going on in a few days. At the meeting, I looked around, found some friends to sit with, then saw this guy I've been admiring from afar after he called out and waved to me--so, he's going, too, which is exciting, since we'll be out in cabins for a week. Kind of rustic romantic. I hope. Unless my giant gay antelope keeps making jokes about the two of us going out into the woods and making out. And then it will probably not be rustic romantic.

Weird how, at this age, you make the closest friends by threatening to kiss them BUT NOT ACTUALLY KISSING THEM because that is not friendship.

BECAUSE THAT IS NOT FRIENDSHIP, she screams at her past.

But anyway yes, here I am turning my leadership training into a romantic comedy. Watch me go.


I accidentally spoke French during my Spanish oral. Twice. She asked about changing my last name after marriage, and I gave her my usual spiel (just in Spanish)--it's weird how women fundamentally change where men don't, with marriage. I mean dude, "Mr." was originally the abbreviation for "master," and "Mrs." the abbreviation for "mistress." A LITTLE OLD FASHIONED?

I don't like my last name at all. It's traditional Irish, which typically means it sounds like something icky (like Doherty--sounds like a word you could use to describe your spit) or a bar (but really we were famously drunk long before they started naming bars after us), so I'm not exactly loving it. But I'd rather keep it than change so fundamentally. It's all about equality. I'm hoping that, if someone ever proposes to me, we're both standing and looking each other right in the eyes.

I'm not here to tell you how to do your marriage stuff. I don't care how other people do it. Some people enjoy the tradition. Some people don't have the same priorities that I do. That doesn't mean I'm wrong, and that doesn't mean they're wrong, but when people try to convince me to be less strict about my own beliefs and principles, it's half past time to fuck off. I get that a lot. "But it's just your last name." No. "What if your husband really wanted you to--" Spouse, first off, and second, I really want whoever I marry to be cool with me riding a motorcycle, but that doesn't mean it will happen AND it shouldn't be something that ruins an otherwise solid marriage. Also, maybe I want my spouse to change his/her name (I don't, but). Ever think about that? Well THINK about it. Quietly. Over there. "You might change your mind when--" Yes, obviously, thank you for your input.

I'm all good with people asking questions. "What would happen if you married someone and it was extremely important to them that you changed your last name?" for instance. Valid question, but kind of invalid, when you think about it, because I definitely don't attract that type, with my rampant feminism and aggressive activism.

I feel like, usually, when the person you're marrying is known for, oh, I don't know, immediately responding to "We all count" with "WE WILL NOT BE ERASED," and telling men to get out of her house when they try to use offensive sexist terms, you already know what you're getting into.

And it probably kind of turns you on.


Anyway, that's that. Don't marginalize minorities or be a sexist poop this week okay? Also stay away from the mindset that activists are too over-the-top, because really, friends, everyone under that top is doing jack shit for the movement and it's never an easy battle.

Oh and the person I'm admiring from afar shared some knowledge, on Facebook, this week, that I was especially happy about (in fact, one may say that I freaked out on seeing him post this), because I've studied this in-depth and it's one of my favorite psychological THINGS. So, it's connected. Enjoy:

"'Repressive desublimation' is a term German philosopher Herbert Marcuse employs to describe the process whereby people unknowingly give over their liberties to tyrants in favour of material or sensual satisfactions. At first glance, the term seems oxymoronic. Why? Because in Freudian psychology, 'sublimation' refers to the process whereby a natural human drive (eg sex) is transferred or 'sublimated' into a more socially acceptable form (eg film or music). 'Desublimation', however, posits the reverse. It�s when the subject is allowed unrestricted, direct access to their desires (eg porn, rape).

"By attaching the seemingly contradictory modifier of 'repressive', Marcuse thus challenges common sense to come to terms with the potentially repressive effects of desublimation. In other words, when the gratification of immediate material and sensual needs becomes the prevailing concern of men, then the ideals of freedom and democracy have no chance."

Weird source, but explains correctly.

ffffffffffffffffff
» middaymoon on 2013-05-01 12:24:17

I'm gonna be over the top too
» middaymoon on 2013-05-01 12:24:27

Language rocks.


California is great but don�t go to the woods. That�s some white people shit. Don�t you watch horror movies? You go into the woods anda then someone says a secret about someone dying and then there�s an ax with blood found in a tree and people are kilt. Don�t get kilt, kb.

Can you pull someone�s trachea out through their ass? That sounds kinky.. and painful.

Which ex bf is this? I don�t like him. �horny repentance� is the name of my band. Lol at guest star line.

I don�t like this new guy.

Wtf you have a gay antelope????

If we get married I am expecting you to change yoru last name to mine because my last name is awesome. Srs. It�s awesome. But we ain�t getting married because you�re short. Sorry, pal. Maybe if you grow we can talk about it but yeah you�re short. And you eat weird shit so yeah. I find your rampant feminism and aggressive activisim charming and inspiring but I do wish you would start wearing bathing more often.. especially if you�re planning to move out to the woods. Then again, you may not make it back since white people go to the woods to die in movies
Define offensive sexist terms. Is pal okay? I call women pal unless I�m scheming to trap them like women trap big basketball players by getting pregnant. I had a dream that I got this girl in law school pregnant on purpose so that we�d get married and she�d run for president and I�d be first man and spend all day trolling people on internet forums about politicians. It was actually really cool.

Activists need to be over the top. They need to push shit as far as they can because otherwise the satus quo will not be challenged. No such thing as halfway crooks is a lyric in amobb deep song that�s basically saying if you�re about that gangsta life, you have to truly be about it and not give up midway through your actions. When it comes to being an activist or an advocate, it seems like you�ve got to push that shit as far as you can. I used to reckon that the world was split in two on a lot of issues � folks who believe in a particular cause and those who believe in the opposite. I used to think that there were equal people on either side of issues like abortion, education reform, immigration reform, prison reform, etc etc etc.. now I see that there are actually a small number of people on both sides � a handful of folks who want change and a handful who want shit to remain the same. The vast majority of people are in the middle and are simply inactive and don�t advocate, and perhaps do not care, either way. But as an activist, it�s your responsibility and burden to bush twice as hard because those motherfuckers may as well be seen as your enemies you know? as desmond tutu said, if you�r eneutral in the face of injustice than you�ve sided with injustice.

» undisputed on 2013-05-02 08:22:32

btw i figured your longass entry deserved a longass comment
» undisputed on 2013-05-02 08:22:42

^ lol
Have fun on your get away. Cabins rock.
» Midnight on 2013-05-05 12:04:40

So I'm totally struggling with the whole "change your last name" thing! My last name is traditionally Irish too, McGrath. But I really like it! I LOVE MY LAST NAME. And Edward's last name is good too, but I really like my last name a lot! So I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to change it or whaaaat. UGH, dumb. I also can't decide if I want my did to give me away, because I'm not a piece of property, you know? So I asked my mom what she thought about the both of them giving me away and she scoffed, so I don't know what to do about that either.

Maybe I should just nix the ceremony and throw a garden party and wear my dress and be done with it.
» Amelie on 2013-05-06 01:01:57

did = dad, heh
» Amelie on 2013-05-06 01:03:50

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