The three of us are sitting in a bedroom.

"Let's see who can go the longest without laughing," he suggested.

He and I kind of concentrated on one another, when all the sudden he looked up at our straight-faced companion. He looked so serious that we both burst into laughter immediately.

Then we tried looking just at each other, but we both thought of the straight face at the same time and started laughing again.

And these are the people with whom I spend 10+ hours per day.

I hug them, lean on them, lay around with them, and occasionally playfully punch someone, like I would with my closest friends. It's been a week since we started getting to know one another in-depth.


I'm not really sure what I've been doing lately. It's been filled with free food, training, and dates (including a recent and memorable night with two separate dates, PLAYAAAAAAAA (neither was so much as kissed)).

Oh, and a beautiful town. We all have one thing in common, and that's the love of this school and the surrounding city.

They meant it when they said it would be the best summer ever.



"What do you want?" I pressed, mentally. I was sitting beside my date at an outdoor concert, wondering why I couldn't just like him. I want to!

"A repressed maniac," I responded, shruggingly.

This is the most concise, accurate statement I've heard in quite some time, and if you look at the most passionate and lasting romances in my life, that will be the common thread.

I disgust me.

But at least I know that I have a type, and that the type sucks. Maybe this will cause me to pursue a different type of male in the future, since the past romances with this type have been destroyed by a stubbornness and lack of willingness to commit that, frankly, rivals my [typical] own (although I do set that down for the right person).

Or perhaps I'll continue to make the same mistakes, because I don't think easy relationships are the best. Things were only ever difficult because there was an abundance of passion. I would say that there's hardly a better reason for that ship to sink.

It creates good memories and makes me a different person for having gone through it. yourcupoftea mentioned that you don't have to let the bad parts change you for the worst--that you're entering a new situation, every time you have a new relationship, and that there's no reason to bring new bad behaviors in, just because someone didn't treat you well, in the past.

I don't know how true that is, because I think some things deep within ourselves are irreparable, but it's sort of like how hundreds of people can ask the same question, but none of them know anyone else asked; you can't be mad at the 101st person any more than you can be mad at the first. You can't punish the next person for the mistakes of the previous.



"Not yet," I said, making full eye contact to make sure that it was an "understood No." My first date of the night had come back around the corner in an attempt to kiss me, and I very smoothly smushed my left index finger over his lips before he could lean in.

"Froze" would be a good past-tense verb to use; he froze, eyes wide open, stunned by my quick reflexes and obvious dislike for his actions.

He took it well, considering, but I could tell he was shaken by my blatant rejection. He said he got it, he had to work for it, and left.


Um.

No?

You don't?

Had he been the right person, in the right situation, with the right attitude, he would have been made in the shade. No degree on wining and dining will make me want to kiss you if you aren't the guy for me. There is no way to work for it. If you're awesome, you're awesome, and if you're not, you don't get kissed.

Whenever a guy says he has to work for it, I don't give him that next date. Saying you have to work for a kiss is essentially saying that you have to win me. And you know what you win? Objects. Inanimate-freaking-objects. I am a human. I'm not looking for love, but I am single and actively mingling, so obviously I'm open to the idea of finding love and checking out my options as they become apparent. I am not looking to be taken out to dinner and such in exchange for physical affection. That is one middle man away from accepting money, and you know who does that? An escort. Go buy an escort dinner. Don't call me.


So that's where we are, and that's what I came here to say.

This entry took an abrupt turn at the end.

When he went to kiss you, you should've yelled "I'm not your whore!" and slapped him.
» thaitanic on 2012-06-05 07:39:22

haha awesome reflexes. I usually just scream NOOO! Not cool like what you did.

Also plaayaa, it's fun having two dates in one night...
» dont-see on 2012-06-05 05:07:51

A repressed maniac? :S That's... What... How did you figure that out?

This kind of reminds me of what my sociology professor mentioned about clubs/bars charging men but letting girls in free; the men are paying to get access to women and it makes females into commodities.
» randomjunk on 2012-06-05 07:13:12

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3ri3qnSmV1ro4s4oo1_500.gif

But it is true that I only kiss guys if I feel like they *deserve* it. They can't earn it by sucking up to me, but they do have to earn it by revealing themselves to be generally kind, unassuming, and generally deserving human beings. :D I try not to kiss guys that I just think are hot and sexy, even if I really want to. Of course it is the best when they are hot and sexy AND deserving. ;)
» Zanzibar on 2012-06-06 10:18:38

heeeeheeeeeeeeee
» middaymoon on 2012-06-06 12:14:48

Hey look! I get a shout out to prove I'm still alive!
» yourcupoftea on 2012-06-15 02:24:28

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.