Now I KNOW Seth and I are headed towards Nowheresville. In a conversation, I get "lol" to everything I say. Even when I'm being serious. It's like everything I say is a joke.

Maybe I've become too serious, though. It doesn't seem like that happy, bubbly person I was will come back. I mean, I crashed and burned, almost a year ago, and I haven't come back from that. Maybe a little, but not fully.

I have help, though. My friends are usually wide open to being there for me, even if I sometimes feel a tad bit neglected. I suppose that's normal--I neglect them, too. I've made a lot of new friends, too, in weird places. It doesn't matter where they are, or where we met, though. They're there.

Especially Kevin, though I'm not sure we're really friends, yet. I count him as one (shh), since I've told him quite a bit, and he's done the same. It's healthy to have guy friends, I'm finding, because--when you choose ones who aren't interested in anything but friendship--they are flippin' THERE for me. They have advice, opinions, and are really comforting. I kind of find myself hoping that guys overpower the amount of girl friends I have, since a lot of them are beginning to be...well, noticeably flaky and judgmental. I've never had a long conversation with a girl, unless it's Sarah. And Sarah is just...amazing. She's my best friend in the whole world. Kierra, in eighth grade came really close to changing that, and she still is my best friend, too, but we haven't spoken. D: It's really unfortunate, and I still think about her TONS.

It's so funny how normal people are lifting me back up into living. I never thought I'd find myself sitting up at five in the morning chatting with Logan, or that I'd be inviting Emily bowling, or....any of this! And suddenly, I feel a lot better, just talking to people who seem to be on the same wavelength.

It doesn't take much to make me happy, I guess. I like to think it isn't ignorance to the world around me. I know what's going on, which is good, but I've accepted that this is my life until I'm old enough to make it something else.

I'm sort of proud of this. There's nothing I can do, so why would I fret?

Anyway, that's it for now. I'll write whenever I think to.

Later.

=] Glad that things are looking up.

It's good to know that you have people that care about you.

Don't worry about your online convos with Seth. Sometimes internet conversations really blur the actual meanings of conversations.
» alexsedotcx on 2007-07-30 01:23:23

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