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Thursday. 10.24.19 2:13 am

So, I go to a cat cafe with this girl I'm seeing, right? And there's this one cat who will climb up on anyone, just looking for a warm person to snuggle with. He's a bombay with shiny black fur, and he's able to make himself small enough for any lap, just to have that secure space. She takes my photo with him and we take a few pictures together, the usual business at a cafe...

Last Thursday, I walked back into that cafe with a carrier and a check, and I brought him home. He's on my lap, contentedly, right now. I changed his name to Casanova, because of his lovey demeanor and sleek appearance.

Last month was a hard month. I still love my now-ex, but he wasn't giving me any sort of meaningful communication for an entire month (just shut down), and he isn't good for me in a plethora of other ways. I ended up getting so frustrated that I just let the horses loose and backed him into a corner. The result was expected, and a relief: dumped. I wanted to do it in person, or at least over the phone. Once I realized he was making that impossible...well. I might be a dick for making sure I wasn't the dick who did it over text...but he's the dick, and I'm satisfied with that.

His stuff had been packed for a couple weeks, at that point, and I didn't cry when I dropped it off in his garage. I did cry when my best friend, over the phone, told me that I deserve better than what I ask of people. Having been torn down by so many dysfunctional men, kind words from a woman who has known me for 20 years did wonders in healing my heart. Another wonderful friend told me she never wants to see me hurting like that over someone again. Admittedly...I was a wreck. The way he disengaged caused some serious whiplash (in retrospect, though, I did see that drop coming. There was love-bombing).

It took me almost 10 years to leave a dysfunctional cycle with R. It only took 6 months, with J. I'll take that as a win.

I guess what I'm saying is that things are getting better, but it's forced me to reframe how I approach my life and how I approach myself.

I wanted Casanova, so I went for it. I wanted more money, so I worked my ass off, and my promotion should be keyed into the system tomorrow. Now, I want to be a barre instructor, and I've let the studio owner know, and she mentions it often as though it's definitely already a guaranteed thing (I'll still audition in January like I'm the ugliest girl at prom trying to be dick-sucking queen in the bathrooms). And I want my Master's, and am just about through being nervous about re-entering academia. It's been long enough.

I'm not just done accepting poor treatment from romantic partners--

--I'm done accepting it from myself. And that's the root of it, isn't it? The lack of hard work and loyalty towards myself.

It's OK. I knew there would be growing pains, after I completely blew up my life, earlier this year.

On Friday, I'm going on a second date with this total babe. He's picking me up and taking me to a restaurant...where he's made reservations. Saturday, I'm taking the girl I mentioned earlier to a cocktail event and then we're changing into Halloween costumes and going out to show them off. Now that I own a sleek black panther kitty, I also own a sexy witch costume.

Meanwhile, my ex-boyfriend is doing weird shit like friending my best friend on Facebook. Have fun, I guess. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Sounds like you’re working hard on yourself, and it’s very admirable. Good luck!
» thaitanic on 2019-10-25 01:08:46

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