So, I have this really crappy ex who is super manipulative and definitely guilty of sexual harassment (like, really disgusting harassment that maybe I should have brought to the cops, since we've BEEN broken up, and so there was clearly no miscommunication about how he can and cannot speak to me (which, believe me, he cannot, either way; I broke up with him because of his disgusting man crap)), and I've been telling him to back off, once in a blue moon when he pops back in to be weird, until the other night, when I told him to delete my number and stop talking to me.

I feel relieved.

I feel like I should have done so much more, though. Reported the harassment. Punched him in the face.

See, I was at a gas station, and some older man took the time out of his busy schedule of being a loser to nickname me "white pussay" and make me wildly uncomfortable while I was stuck pumping gas. And in that moment, I wondered why the other man, pumping his gas right near me, didn't stop him (because my safety was in danger, and I couldn't). I wondered why disgusting people were allowed to make women feel unsafe as they go about their everyday errands...but then it's like, yeah, I've been firmly discouraging my ex about this stuff, but maybe the message would stick a bit better if someone from the college called him up and had a meeting with him about inappropriate comments.

Part of me still has this internalized pity for successful people whose lives are "ruined by sexual harassment/rape charges," but that's just not okay.

That day at the gas station was the first time I've ever not bitten right back at someone, because I knew he would get out of his car and hurt me, if I did. It was the first time I felt unsafe and silenced.

So now I'm totally aware of the stakes, when someone I know makes me feel uncomfortable.

>:0
» middaymoon on 2014-07-11 10:11:00

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