Sunday. 6.15.08 11:57 pm
I think I'm crazy.
Not like "lock this hoe up for life" kind of insane...I just can't get my brain to stop. Is there a disorder for hyperactive brain activity? Every time I'm sitting alone with ample time to contemplate, my mind starts flying at a thousand miles per hour, trying to analyze random thoughts and "what if" scenarios that lead to an infinite number of equally puzzling circumstances. Memories and emotions only complicate it. I feel like I'm drowning in a mental tidal wave, and my mind is somehow melting into the flow.
By that description I'm sure it sounds like I am off my rocker. I swear I'm not. I'm completely comprehensive of the world around me. I don't have thoughts of homocide or crazy shit like that. I just can't stop thinking...and it only happens when I'm not preoccupied with something else. Surprisingly, my dreams are pretty docile if non existent, so sleep somehow tranquilizes my psyche. It comes and goes in rushes, I have no idea how else to explain the feeling .
It's happening right now as we speak, and thinking about it only makes it worse so I'm going to try and focus on something less...unnerving.
But I can't. Damn. Happy father's day? I made this for part of my dad's card...The Incredible Dad.
Tomorrow I'm going shopping with SOME of the $1200 I got from graduation...the rest is heading to the bank where I will never see it again .
Muffy over and out!
Edit: In hindsight, this was perhaps not a very smart entry to make. I was going through one of my psychosis freakouts when I wrote it...so I sound thoroughly disoriented and just plain crazy. Whatever. I like being weird.
Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
I'm pretty sure you just described my life and reasonings behind me being an insomniac =| you are crazy asian man.
And yes, that's happened with a ton of the bands I listen to. I start listening to them when they're just little babies and then 3 years later they're on the radio with songs from their records that came out forever ago (case in point Gym Class Heroes with "Cupids Chokehold" or Plain White T's with "Hey There Delilah") which kind of pisses me off but whatever I guess. I'll have to start providing you with musical education again so you can have bragging rights about knowing bands before they get famous. =)
» Serendipity on 2008-06-16 03:29:01
snow patrol is in my top 5 concerts of all time. seriously, 5 song encore, i caught ok go's drum stick, justin started the "snow patrol" chant in the KEY ARENA to get them back onstage for their encore, and we got to talk to some crazy drunk scottish dude haha. next time they come to town, i'm taking you.
ok i need to get off the computer before my eyes burn out but before i do i just thought i'd let you know that i got that email with those professional graduation photos..they sent me pictures of jerrica instead of me hahahaha g'night. =)
» Serendipity on 2008-06-16 04:20:06
You are not crazy! People's minds wonder off everywhere when they can. It is like some secret activity everyone indulge in but never say it out loud.
Woo... you sure got a lot of money for graduating! I have fun shopping!! Btw, your incredible dad looks funny!
» Nuttz on 2008-06-16 06:53:09
welcome to the loco or think-2-much club.
the prizes for this treasure hunt was not attractive at all but jolenesiah and i joined not because of the prizes but to challenge our brain and outselves... the prizes were just some handphones and some cash and some free accomodations.
» renaye on 2008-06-16 10:45:32
Nice picture. :P
I've had the nonstop thinking problem before, but only when I was hyper.
My iTunes library got deleted... not the stuff on my iPod... so I don't know how manual syncing would help me. I put everything back but I had to go through and redo all my playlists and organize my entire Purchased playlist (over 380 songs) in the right order. And all the playcounts are gone... :|
The whole thing just got my OCD going.
» randomjunk on 2008-06-16 03:09:13
The overactiveness could just be from stress. Which is understandable.
XD I loved that card that you made.
+ in response to what you said, I cant stop someone from going to a public place. lol But I'm just going to ignore the situation. /shrug
» Bizzle_whore on 2008-06-16 04:21:17
Oh, thanks. I'll fix that.
» randomjunk on 2008-06-16 06:30:26
you're not crazy and that actually describes fairly well what I'm sort of going through right now; with the random thoughts flying through my head at rapid speeds and emotions & memories only worsening the crazed feeling.
at least when you sleep your dreams don't come often. I tend to have decently lucid dreams. it's unsettling at times.
» LostSoul13 on 2008-06-16 09:27:59
we like you weird, too
Nice Father's Day pic! Yeah, I understand the feeling. You just wanna tell it tah shaddup! XD I'm psychotic, too. Sometimes it scares me. >.>
» Silver-dot- on 2008-06-16 11:01:43
Nah, he's not way creepy about his obsession. Mostly just funny with a little bit of creepiness.
Like how his "yearbook" was a composition notebook with pictures of anime glued to the covers... A little creepy but generally just amusing.
» randomjunk on 2008-06-17 05:35:33
Haha trust me unclebribri I would not have agreed if money hadn't been involved. Meh. Doesn't change the fact that I don't understand children at all. =(
Sigh, time for attempt #3001 to go to sleep.
» Serendipity on 2008-06-17 05:50:56
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