Let Me Guide You

I want to tell you everything.

Yes you, the perfect stranger reading this.

I thrive on disclosure.

I want to tell you everything.

Even if you don't actually exist.

You're real enough to me.

I want to tell you everything,
but I can't.

Because I am also very private,
and I can't afford to be judged.

I can't afford to be judged by people,
or should I say, a person.

I mistakenly allowed my sanctuary to be violated,
and now I feel like I have a sock stuck down my throat.

I can't be honest with you,
or better, through you,
because I'm not ready to be honest with this person.

If I could effectively block non-members from this blog, I would.

And once again, I would open myself up to you.

I want to tell you everything.

Mom, if you are reading this, please finish this entry, then stop.

I need this.

I love you, and I need a shelter,
and you cannot be that shelter for me.

I love you.

So much.

But I can't talk to you.

I have never been able to talk to you.

I am trying to talk to you now.

I love you.

If you try to talk to me about this later,
I will be too afraid talk to you again.

I will flee from you.

I am being honest here, because I am always honest here.

But this is as honest as it will get between you and me.

Respect me as the independent adult I am.

Respect me, and I will try to trust you better.

Please don't come back to this site.

Ohh.. darn.. it sucks to find out that people you dont want reading your blog reads your blog..
Thank god my mother doesn't do that, at least she is too busy to bother, even though she knows that i have one.
» Nuttz on 2007-10-26 11:21:49

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