Let Me Guide You

Yesterday with Matt was a complete nightmare. Absolutely hellish. Read on.

All I want to do is go see his new apartment, but we spend forever running errands and trying to get his car fixed. Then, when we finally make it to his building, his girlfriend calls. After about five minutes of talking, they start fighting. They get into it so hardcore that Matt has to stop the car... half-way into the parking garage.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the passenger seat, trying not to listen, counting the number of times they do this to me. I've asked them in the past not to fight in front of me because I find it extremely rude. I ask him for the fourth or fifth time if he can call her back, and he gets out of the car. Aparently, she knows I'm with him now, and the original argument has been completely overshadowed.

Another ten minutes and he's back in the car, this time putting it in gear. He's close to tears by now, so I hand him a napkin from my purse. She's coming to the apartment, that's why we have to go. He can't handle fighting with her in person right now.

We drive further downtown, for whatever reason. I don't know what he has planned, and all I can think about is how much better things would have been if he'd just told her thry would work it out later. But he can't do that, and neither can she. I know this. Like I said, they do this all the time.

Then I do the most dramatic thing I have ever done.

When we pull up to a stop light, I grab my things and run. I hear his car screech around the corner, but I don't look back. There's a bus-stop a few blocks up where I can catch a commuter bus to my hometown.

I see his reflection in a shop window. He's almost caught up to me, so I stop. He puts one finger on my shoulder. One finger. He doesn't grab me or yell at me. He's still on the goddamn phone.

He assures her that he's not hanging up and puts the open phone in his pocket. He smiles at me like nothing's wrong, and we've been having a swell time playing chase.

"Come on. I'll take you home now."

I shake my head, "You're already in Seattle. I'll just take the bus."

He smiles wider and laughs a little. I'm increadibly thankful we've passed the corner bus-stop crowd. "That's ridiculous. I took you up here, so I'd feel bad if I didn't give you a ride home."

"Matt, if I'm going home, what does it matter how I get there?"

"But, I'd feel terrible. Come on, let's just go to the car."

"Are you going to call her back?"

"Well, you know how she gets. I can't just..."

"So you expect me to sit quietly in the passenger's seat while you two hash it out?"

He laughs again. "Heidi..."

"Matt, just let me go, ok? I can handle myself."

"Are you sure you're going to be ok? You're not going to be mad at me later?"

I'd like to tell Sherlock that I'm already mad at him, and his girlfriend, but what good would that do? He'd never let it go.

"No. You guys just need to fight it out if that makes you happy. Let me go."

We hug, and he promises to call me later, a promise I could have done without. I make it to my stop just as the right bus pulls up.

Shortly into my trip home, I decide to give his girlfried a piece of my mind in a very polite text message, and I tell her to call me. A few moments later, Matt calls me. He apologizes for his girlfriend's behavior, and gets very close to apologizing for himself.

"Are we ok?"

"Yeah Matt, we're ok."

He tells me his girlfriend might be calling me soon, and I tell him I told her to call me. He's very quiet.

"Just don't tell her I told you anything about our fight."

"Matt, I could hear the whole thing, she knows that."

He stammers a few more half-assed apologies and I tell him a accept them. I don't hear from either of them until I get home.

By dinner-time, I've told my mom all about the day's events. She tells me I did the exact right thing and laughs about how immature they are. Then things get weird. Matt's girlfirend calls me, but I have a rule about not answering my phone when I'm eating out, so I ignore it. She proceeds to send me three separate text messages within two minutes that all essentially say the same thing: "Blame Matt, not me."

I send a reply after dinner apologizing for missing her call, but saying nothing else. Then I go to work.

Matt calls me at work, apologizing for real this time, we make awkward small talk for a few minutes before I have to rotate.

Today, the girlfriend sent me another text with an apology for her behavior, follwed by another "Blame Matt, not me." I ignore this, but laugh about it at lunch with my mom.

I'm sorry about the length... but this was so shitty, I just had to vent a little. I just don't know what to do anymore.

It frusterates the hell out of me, because, intentionally or not, she is completely dishonest about her feelings. She's told Matt she's jealous about the time we spend together, but she hasn't told me. To my face, she pretends everything is fine. And we're supposed to be friends.

I put fault on Matt too, because he is so damn stubborn. He has to fix things the minute he thinks they're going to break. Why can't he just let things bounce back? Oh, and as I've said, he can't be alone for more than two seconds.

I could go all Doctor Laura on their asses, but I think I'll go to sleep instead. G'nite.