Let Me Guide You

But for now, you get to keep hearing about Matt. After a week-long stay at my house, he left on Wednesday night.

Or did he?

Yes, while he is no longer sleeping in the spare room, I have yet to go 25 hours without seeing him. Which makes me feel quite silly for bawling my eyes out the night he drove back to Oregon.

Last night, he came by to pick up the laminated copy of his new driver's license, and we sat out on my front lawn and talked for a while. I happened to casually mention that I was going shopping this afternoon with BFF, so he invited himself along. OK, whatever, I figured I could handle that. Matt does love to shop.

What I did not anticipate was that the next sentence out of his mouth would be: "So, what time are you waking up? Eight-thirty? Ok, I'll be there at nine."

Ouch. A half-hour to get ready? Luckily, he decided to go for an interview and still hasn't shown up at my house yet. He's starting to remind me of another, formerly flakey, friend I know.

Speaking of whom, I don't know how she's going to feel about having an extra shopping pal. Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

The real point in me sharing this story is that I'm worried about how Matt's unstable living situation is going to affect me. I care for him immensely, and I mean that in a purely nonsexual way (though I wouldn't turn down a piece if it were offered).

I have sort of a savior complex, you see. That's why I let him stay at my house and helped him get his driver's license. He'd never ask, but I'm worried I'll start lending him money soon. He asked me to help him shop for personal loans today, and I absolutely do not believe that is a good idea.

He has about a month and a half to get his act together before school starts, and while he has interviewed for several different automotive tech positions, there is the chance that none of them will pan out. It's already happened once, after all. Honestly, I think he just needs to get a crappy, low-pay, starter job at a GAP or something while he gets his shit together, and I plan to tell him this.

Help me out here. What am I supposed to do? I don't want him to get in over his head, or ruin his credit, or be forced to hold-off on school, but I also can't let those things happen to me. I can only give him the help that he's willing to put to use, and while he is genuinely a good person, he's just too immature. Or maybe he's just not like me, and that's what is scaring me. I don't know. I honestly don't know.

Absolutely don't give him any money. Trust me, nothing ruins a friendship faster than money. I think you should tell him exactly what you said here: That he needs to get a little crappy job, ANY job, so that he can make enough money to live in a little crappy apartment with 20 roommates, and if he gets a bank account and saves his money in it and doesn't use a credit card for a while and DOESN'T TAKE OUT A PERSONAL LOAN he can take the slow and steady route to financial solvency. He could say that if you cared about him you'd lend him money, but that would be like saying that if you care about wild animals you should feed them-- that's exactly what you can't do or they'll become dependent on you. So instead of helping to launch this sleek, beautiful, self sufficient, wild creature, he'll be a pathetic, shadow of a creature with his tail between his legs, mooching off of people and the government for the rest of his life while he gets himself into deeper and deeper financial trouble.

If anything, he can apply for a student loan through FASFA or something so that he won't have to pay it off or pay interest until he's out of school. Hopefully by then he will have learned some sense and also be able to get a higher-paying job. All that money he gets off the student loan though should go for school stuff-- tuition, books, etc... if you start spending it on video games you might as well dig your own financial GRAVE. Anyway, be strong, and if he does start harping on you for money, turn him away. You can't be drawn into that, and sometimes people have to be thrown to the dogs in order to learn personal responsibility. Anyway, that was my long opinion on the matter. Good luck.
» Zanzibar on 2007-08-10 07:06:27

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