So my grandmother is in the hospital. My dad's mother.

She was never all that healthy. She stayed indoors mostly, watching Chinese dramas day in and day out. Her memory slowly started to go. Her hearing got worse. She was still very happy and...a normal grandmother.

Now she's unconscious in a hospital bed with a tube down her throat and needles everywhere hooked up to various machines. My aunt told me today that most likely...she won't wake up.

I'll never hear her voice again. Never see her smile again. Never hear her laugh or call me "little daughter".

But one thing I don't need to feel guilty about: Even though I was not very close to her, I did make an effort to visit her on my own. Unfortunately, I only started to do that recently in the last year or half year or so. The total visits can probably be counted on one hand, maybe two. But I made an effort. And I came to see her. I think I visited her last month. I'm happy about that. My last memory wasn't a bad one. I try not to end visits or even day-to-day meet-n-greets poorly, because you never know if it is the last. I was always subconsciously afraid that I'd leave my loved ones, or vice versa, on a bad note and have guilt like we see on TV. I'm glad I don't have that.

So the diagnosis as of today--and by the way, the real doctors aren't even here bc it's a holiday so it's mostly been interns. >.> Can you believe that? They'll be back tomorrow for a full reexamination, but my aunts had me come in (I stayed the whole day) just in case she couldn't wait that long--is that she had a mini-stroke and then a heart attack. Her kidney(s) is(are) failing bc of an infection. Yesterday she was breathing by 75% ventilator, 25% her own power. Today it's 100% ventilator. So my aunt says--and I agree--it's better that she doesn't wake up bc she'd be disoriented and fighting the tube/machine that was breathing for her. No one wants to spend the rest of their days with a tube down their throat, unable to speak, and stuck in a stupid hospital room with needles and machines everywhere. Definitely not my grandmother. She pulled everything out several times when she first came in. Got the nurse so angry. *laughs* But that was before her stroke/heart-attack.

Yeah, she came in for something else and luckily, was still in the hospital when it happened. Same day she was supposed to leave. If she had gone home that day...my other aunt says she probably really would be gone now.

The only question now is...when.

Any suggestions for good songs to listen to? No preachy stuff about how good life is, please. Just good songs that you like and maybe might fit. I don't know. At this point I'm up for anything. Good music in general. Preferably not about death. Sorry, randomjunk. XD LMAO. I don't need to run now, do I? *runs*

JUST BECAUSE EVERYTHING I WRITE IS ABOUT DEATH DOESN'T MEAN THE SAME HOLDS TRUE FOR MY MUSIC. D:
» randomjunk on 2010-07-05 09:23:54

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