ok so first let me say i am the biggest idiot ever!



urggg ok so i was getting along fine with cass and all. And for some reason i thought i could change his mind and make him want a relationship. Right now he says he doesnt want a relationship and cant figure out his "feelings" (yeah i know total bs). So for some awful reason i got it in my head to wait and try and see if maybe we could work out.



and it seemed as if he kept giving me little hints of hope

and then saturday at work with shannon she got to talking to me. And i realized that everytime he talks about another girl it really hurts me. And everytime he smiles and hugs me it hurts me because i know that hes not "mine". yeah yeah yeah i know lame but true.

and of course i started crying at work. And i love shannon she really helped me and comforted me. So then i went home and talked to him. And pretty much I agreed that maybe we shouldnt be in a relationship. which exactly after i said it i regreted because i want to be in a relationship with him. I just want him to be in one with me too. I want him to want to work at making us work. I want the love and the attention and the understanding.

And all today every single stupid boy with brown hair at the mall made me upset and every stupid thing that reminded me of him made me think of him. And i cant talk to him because im so upset.


But in a way i dont regret saying it because i do believe i deserve the whole package of a relationship. And then i try to think of wanting that with someone else and i cant. And i have options too. I mean there are a few guys who have asked me out in the past month or so and ive said no.

but when me and him where talking last night. I mean he really hurt my feelings.

he said

"But I am just a phase to you right now."

"you are young and silly, and you can't make heavy decisions, or truely understand your feelings right now."

urgggggggggg tears again

ITS NOT FARE!!

then i texted jay and something is wrong with him. im going for a walk with him tomorrow. i love him to death hes a great friend and we used to date but we are really close like brother and sister.




ugh <3


o btw great crying song

"No air" by Jordin Sparks featuring Chris brown.

dont usually like hip hop but love this song

aiya. i think it's better to not enter a relationship if the other party is not ready. ur heart will ache more if somehow u two were already in a relationship and then the other party wants to get out..
» renaye on 2008-08-17 08:47:43

:/
» middaymoon on 2008-08-17 09:41:16

Ugh, relationship troubles suck. I would know. I don't know how this is going to turn out but it'll make you stronger in the end. "What doesn't kill us makes us who we are...."

Good song in you profile, btw :) It's not my favorite from the album, but the whole thing is good!

Oh and if you want an even better crying song, check out Run by Snow Patrol. I dunno, it gets me every time....
» The-Muffin-Man on 2008-08-18 06:25:12

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