so that insidious mood that reeked of the stench of cynicism and sore words has now been demolished. Noah has this nifty ability to quell whatever anger or discomfort sits within me. whether or not i know what causes my distress i can trust her to Aleve it. How absolutely beautiful. I know what and why the world is the way it is. we make excuses for our denials, I of all people should know best, and eventually through the correct utilization of wisdom and thought one (along with the massive help of others) can correct devise a solution to all qualms. I feel better. it's like taking that long road trip with it's many twists and winds the snake like curvature of it causing great pleasure and dislike all the same. That beautiful scenery of seeing what possibilities lie ahead in culmination of an odious sickening of the stomach, motion being it's main cause. We must deal with out problems at hand. yes, the sights and possibilities of being, even remotely possible... well is beautiful. but the motion and action of it actually happening doesn’t feel right and subsequently will turn sour. What we molded out of our wants and inabilities, our hopes and actualities worked out. we understand and know. and thus. everything is ok.

this doesn't mean my cynicism on the fallibility of love and it's disgustingly impossible prospects have disintegrated completely but i believe it's time to take a step back and allow the interests of the day to wither as they always do. It's winter now, let those stalky greens take their long reprieve and winters caresses put them to sleep. There may be a spring to come but for now i'll dilly dattle here where i know i've never visited. The streets are glistening with ice and it's a place i've rarely been. Never have i been ice skating. it's time to see what solitude is like.

hello winter. it's nice to meet you.

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