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RanDumbNess
Age. 32
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. ...
Location lubbock, TX
School. Other
» More info.
just a jumble
Thursday. 9.9.04 5:56 pm
Tennis. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to suck at tennis? When everyone in your tennis class is, like, awsome. Today, though, for the first time, I got it over the net, actually played out the point. Didn't swipe at it, but miss, for once. Stupid bad hand-eye-corridation.

It's really my parents' fault. They moved me to the middle of nowhere, where they don't have soccor fields, basketball goals, tennis courts, gyms, pools, anything! How was I supposed to do sports if I only knew them as something vague, something dream-like. So, what was I supposed to do?

Well, I had the 'Secret Game.' It was only secret cuz I didn't tell anyone about it. My only-childness led me to play on the farm, at church, at the jungle gym, in the bathtub, anywhere, my secret game. Kinda like a TV show, or a movie. I would start where I left off, pretty much. And, I guess, for a kindergardener, that was pretty good. Only thing was, this went on till fourth grade. That's how sad it was. I had pretty much no friends in my sad little town of 400.

But then I moved. Or, switched schools. Over to Preston Smith. Yup. The one in Lubbock. My parents tell everyone it's because they both worked in town. Not true. Cuz I was soooo unpopular. That's why I got moved over. And, for the first semester of 5th grade, I guess I was still unpopular. But I had friends at least. And now, in actual Jr. High, and not retarded little elem., I have the best friends I could hope for. I have more than I can count. At Irons and at OL, too. Not just my school, but alot of schools. Hutch, Mackenzie, all these places. And I love my buds. I couldn't live without them.

That's why it scared me. The rumor. The couple of rumors. That Evan was gonna kill himself. That Will cut himself. Just rumors. Nothing more. But I was still scared. I still cried at night.

And now there's another rumor. Started by Sarah. And the rumor is... Sarah hates her life. That she duzn't find it worth living. And Sarah's my best friend. Isn't it strange, that the three people the rumors were about were about my best friends? Three of the people I most couldn't live without. And last night, me and Will were so scared.

Sarah scared us. Said that this was it. That she was ending it that night. That nothing could stop her. I was so scared. More scared then the time she said she was gonna run away and not come back. She came back that time. And nothing happened this time. I called her, and she was like, 'Oh, I was just kidding.' But I don't believe her. And I'm scared. And I don't know what to do.

I think about quitting it all, sometimes. But then, I think about how me and Will felt last night. About how me and Ali felt when the rumor about Evan was going around.

And I forget it. There's no way I would do that to my friends. After all they put me threw like that, sure, I sometimes want them to know what it's like. But I couldn't do that. Not to them.

Becuz, in choir, me and Ali were crying so bad. We thought it was our fault. Everyone wanted to know why we were crying, but we wouldn't tell. Wendy got pissed off at us, cuz we wouldn't tell.

Choir's gotta be the best class, tying with Science. You should have been there today. But, it's kinda sad. Ali's mad at Wendy cuz Will likes Wendy, and everyone Ali likes, ends up liking Will. Think about it, same happens with me. The only time Ali wasn't grumpy, was cuz we were high. Yup. I mean, we didn't do it on purpuse. But, we were listining to a Soprano singer, and I was like, 'Oh, yea, I can go high like that,' and I started sniffing the high lighter. I mean, the cap was on and all, but there are wholes in the lid, letting the fumes through. We were laughing at the most retarded things, Wendy and Ali and Kate and me. It was so much fun.

That's the first time I've ever gotten high before. I can see why people like it so much, but I had a killer headache afterwards. I'll only do that when I'm really sad.

See, I was sad. Cuz, I don't know, Will's my best friend. Really. I couldn't live without him, Sarah, Evan, or Taylor B, the most, out of all my friends. And Wendy's not good enough for him. I know she's not. I don't think [I]anyone's[/I] quite good enough for him, except for Sarah. I can't get over that they broke up. I don't know why, except for different schools. I really don't want him to ask out Wendy. I couldn't stand it. I mean, I don't think Wendy would even let me be high five buds with him, me or Kendra.

And I mean, I don't think Wendy even knows Will. I don't think she knows him when she's hyper. When he's sad. She doesn't know how to comfort him like Sarah and me do. Nothing.

Maybe I'm just bitching cuz I want Will to stay single, open, my best friend. I don't want him to be taken by someone who said 'faggit' for the first time in her life today, who seems like she's changing for Will, when Will doesn't want anyone changing for him.

And I know that's an awful way of viewing it. I know I'm being a snob and a bitch like I was in the summer of '03, all sad cuz I was losing my best friend. All possesive and shit.

Yea, I'm being like that agian. But, you know, there ain't nothing I couldn't stand worse than this. Ok, so maybe I like Will. But I love him, too. Like family.

And I'll sure miss him when he and Wendy start going out.

much <3s
hannah
3 Comments.


for sum reason it felt like i waz reading a little bit about my life in 8th grade. i've been through these problems. Life gets really hard sumtimes, and i one point i wanted to end it all to. it waz the age we all were getting closer to guys and stuff. there waz more lieing and rumors were going around. but i kno one thing, enjoy being single!! in a relationship sometimes u wanna break. u have alot more freedom when your single, but its not that bad to be in a relationship either. aw iono what im saying. i hope things get better for u. PEACE
» Midnight on 2004-09-09 06:28:21


Don't worry. I have bad hand-eye coordination too. That's why I can't aim and stuff. Based on luck!!! Never quit. Never quit in life. That's what makes you a good friend to hear them out and worry for them. Not wanting your best friend have a girlfriend is understandable. Why don't the three of you plan to do something together so atleast all of you get to hang out. I don't know. Well, i'm sorry I really didn't do anything to comfort you in any way.
» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-09-09 06:32:17


It's otay. lol. Actually, I am going out with one of Wills best friends. Blane. Dunno if you read my entry about him...
» RanDumbNess on 2004-09-09 07:06:50

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