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the beginning (a simple seed) ~the classic crime
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table, it will be locked
til i get home

i'm growing feeble and tired of the world
tired of constantly missing my girl
and i long to smell the sea

the sea...
the sea-yeah

i miss the Pacific Ocean
and the northwestern air
and run each of my fingers
through the strands of her hair

ive been over this country lately
but i've been nowhere it seems, nowhere

but ive found the cure to my landlocked blues
its coming home to you

you

if a simple seed
gets just what it needs
then a redwood tree can grow
up to a hundred feet
and endure the sleet and the snow

but if my whole life
was wrapped and priced
i wonder what the tag would show
cuz everytime im close to the holy ghost
i let her go

i let her go...

i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table
it will be locked, til i get home
calendario


March 2024

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quotes i'd like to save...
-=How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd=- ~Alexander Pope

-=ur the sunshine after the rain, the tylenol to my pain=-~me

-='I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry=- ~ W.H. Auden

-=live ur life, make ur heaven=- ~me reflecting upon stuff i learned at yfc

-=life isnt measured by the breaths u take, but moreso the number of breaths u take away=-~meggyo's profile
"pitiful"
Wednesday. 8.2.06 2:43:05 am
i sit at my computer drinking. alone with a jack and coke. i know it wont solve my problems..i merely just want to pass the time. i don't want to sleep. im afraid of what dreams may steal my sight. i rather my drunken eyes be stuck to this computer monitor. i need more jack in this cup..im a minimalist. i keep state of mind first before a lot of things. i see the result of an 'excess' of work as something not worth the loss of a chance to be happily doing something else. say i work my ass off, trying to be a lawyer. say i go to law school, pull all nighters on a regular basis. say i get internships, getting my foot in the door at some firms. years of all of that...and what does it get me. a job as a lawyer. helping people sue other people. defending innocent people from getting prosecuted. that sounds good. but in reality, does it really help you sleep at night? personally, it wouldnt for me. i'd be too pissed off and stressed out about the constant work i'd hafta put in to maintain such a job. too pissed off to enjoy my life. too stressed to devote myself to a family that deserves the best. shit......and this is all of course hypothetical. hypothetical for someone who knows they WANT to be a lawyer.



so meghan. i find your 'if my heart had wings' entry extremely offensive. you make it seem like my friends are lollygagging, slacking, bumbling buffoons. your 'real' friends are working 40 hours, doing internships...well good for them. if you're speaking about kate and kara...i dont recall them speaking about much else other than complaining about some physical ailment, or school work. i never really heard them talk too much about their boyfriends, then again, i don't know any of them all that well in the first place. i shouldnt even talk about them, anyway. when do you have fun with your 'real' friends? during joined complaints about class? during the once in a blue moon visit to ghost riders? or maybe just getting drunk. i know i have fun with my friends everytime i see them. and all of them are my 'real' friends. the years through college are supposed to be the best times of your life. why does it have to be mostly work? is it so you won't have to work as hard later? well if i'm a warehouse worker with a degree in spanish, i'll be eating my words. but if in a year or 2 im a teacher, working as hard as i want, being as happy as i can, then what the fuck else do i need? happiness is more important than money right? i have a set goal, and i'm genuinely happy with how i'm progressing, and i know if i achieve my goal, i'll be genuinely happy.


you said you probably wouldnt give me the time of day if i went to your highschool. because i seem like the people you 'hang out with' today. the people you go bowling with i guess right? the people you bowl with "are not working their asses off to ensure their future career with internships and summer school" right? and thats me right? not ensuring my future and all. well shit. so you wouldnt have gone out with me in the first place had you known i was such a slacker? such a PITIFUL fucking piece of shit that should be crying himself to sleep because he doesnt work day and night toward becoming a teacher instead of taking care of his brothers, hanging out with his freinds, and talking to his girlfriend every night?



i think i may be drunk as of right now. maybe its just what i needed to loosen my tongue, and say what i need to say. you said "timing, location, and availabilty" determine what happens in life. well shit. did i just get royally fucked on all 3 of those things this summer? cuz i would think that people like david a would be apparently more available to hangout/talk with you at whatever time. and of course the ever so willing to talk sank, whom is perpetually home before 7 and in delaware all weekend long is ready to talk. well god damn they sure are more timely available than i. i'm not so lucky as to live in PA. i'm not so lucky as to have a father that's grounded me for making up grade transcripts. shit. i'm just pounding the keys now. wow. maybe i should have just called you. but i think when i read your blog i was apalled at how it was mostly one HUGE offensive rant and i think im just very very bitter at the fact that you did this. so here i am. maybe even a drunken rant. im jealous. jealous of scott and david a. because apparently...they'd prolly make better boyfriends for you than i would. then again. who wouldn't, right?



FUCK.


so yeah about this other entry of yours...."a look". the one where you're talking about how i looked after my birthday. and how you would remember this look. "It is that look that I will remember when things get rough, when I start to lose myself or question where I am going." well, what the fuck. did you just up and forget about it then? jesus mary and jospeh. that entry was the 19th of july. just a few weeks ago. seems like just yesterday. guess i must have really fucked up from then til now then. or maybe it was just you coming to your senses as to how much of an apparent goddamn loser i am.


well i think i've had enough tonight. shit. hows that for passion. please don't insult my friends. i mean no offense to yours. god damn 6:11 in the morning....
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the number is lesser in value..and easier to swallow
~'would you like something to drink'
if your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done
~'the words "best friend" become redefined'
if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, i'll follow you into the dark
~'i'll follow you into the dark'
i'll be floating out at sea, waiting for periscopes to spot my warm body
~'no ace, just you'
this is the part where i'll admit i'm getting what i deserve
~'lost and found'
lets sleep tonight on a bed of nails, so that every other night doesn't seem so painful after all
~'beter than sex'
if it were up to me, you're gone, i've been dying to get it into you somehow
~'histrionics'
hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that i am not there, i swear i didn't mean for it to feel like this
~'bruised'
wanna fuck up my life?-i'll let you.
~'knotes'
this is the rhythm i was signing to the beat of my feat as i walked away
~'i fought the broad (and the broad won)'
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
if i could, i'd only want to make you smile
~'make you smile'
the past is only the future with the lights on
~'baby, come on'
morning always comes too quick when you're around..
~'still breathing'
i beg not to escape permeating my pores, whetting my appetite for more
~'amanda's poem about unicorns '
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
love me gently with a chainsaw
~'tie her down'
smiles and her laughter, its the only thing that ive been waiting for
~'emily'
so many high points on this last leg, i cant wait to recount them- it seems like nothings happened until ive shared them with you
~'shirts and gloves'
ur lips, ur eyelashes- ur skin, these are the parts of ur body that cause my comatose to begin
~'all hail the heartbreaker'

lets start out-by starting over... ~'lovers and liars'

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