Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   


~ Ping      Ping ~
Proud Heathen
The Out Campaign: Scarlet Letter of Atheism
Subscribe
Subscribe to this to blog if you would like to be emailed whenever it is updated.

Your email

Fractions of Love
Thursday. 12.28.06 3:04 pm

I figured out what this knot in my stomach is. I've been over it and over it a million times but I think I've finally figured it out.

I'm lonely.

I'm in love, and yet I feel completely and utterly alone. I only get to see my girlfriend a few times a week, usually for only a few hours when she remembers to set aside time for us. The worse part is, I'm honestly beginning to question if she even really loves me. I'm beginning to think she only thinks she loves me for some reason.

When I was younger and more naive I had all these ideas and hopes about what it would be like to be in love. I imagined wanting to be with each other every second. I imagined snuggling and holding hands and having long conversations late into the night. I imagined both of us thinking about the other person and missing them when they weren't around. And not being able to wait for the next time we'd be able to be together.

It's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to feel like I love her more than she loves me. I'm not supposed to feel guilty for wanting to spend so much time with her.

Everytime I try to get close she reacts as if I'm trying to smother her. Like I expect her to give me every ounce of her attention and free time. Half the time all I want is to just be around her. It would just be nice to feel like I'm important to her. Like she needs me even a little bit. Instead of feeling like if I disappeared she'd be sad for a week or two and then move on.

It would be nice, just once, to have her call just because she wanted to talk to me or hear my voice. To have her want me to come over because she misses me or feels lonely, and not because she thinks she's obligated to spend time with me.

I can name a dozen little things and quite a few big things about her that I love but sometimes I wonder if she'd be able to do the same. Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't just like me a lot.

God so much of the time I just feel like crying because I'm so in love with her and miss her so much and all I want is to feel like she feels the same way. It's ripping me up inside. I feel awful all the time now. I can't work up an appetite for anything. I have no friends except for her, I have no hobbies that I'm good enough at to distract me. I live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere with no car and no license.

The worse part is I honestly don't know if I'm justified in feeling this way or if there's something wrong with me.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

2 Comments.


i dnt think anything is wrong witchu
"usually for only a few hours when she remembers to set aside time for us."
i think it's ur gf w/ the probs..
» frostbitten on 2006-12-29 11:51:38

As said before, there isn't anything wrong with you.
Love sucks. Nine times out of ten, one person would die for the other, but not the other way around. It sucks so much to be in that situation, I know from experience. I think you need to talk to her and find out how she truely feels. If she does love you back, try to arrange more time or something. If not, cry, scream, don't eat, all that fun stuff (again, I've been there), and just go out on the search for someone to love you as much as you love them.
» C00kie on 2007-01-01 08:26:46

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.

Praetorian's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.239seconds.

  Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s
All content � Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.