Friday. 4.26.13 1:18 pm
I have been offline for a long time. I really have. Who knew when I last updated about all the shenanigans that I'd get into? It's been almost 18 months since I was last here. Let's see what's happened during that time:
- Still haven't learned Japanese
- Stopped going to school
- Lost or quit multiple jobs
- Survived the end of the world on 12-21-12! (Yay, at least I've got that going for me.)
- Moved across the country again
That last one was widely considered to be a bad move. I moved with my mother, younger sister, and older sister from West Virginia back to Texas. Shortly after, my older sister moved again to another state, so she's not here anymore. In her place, my two younger brothers (who are twins) have come into the equation. I get so mad at them pretty much all the time. They tear up everything they come into contact with, and are pretty much the age of a 7 year old mentally. (At least they act that way all the time.)
It's like they didn't learn the lessons that people learn as they grow up. They didn't learn how to clean up after themselves, or how money works, or the number of months in a year or anything like that. They may not actually be retarded, but there is definitely not much going on in their little noggins. I wish I could help them, but any time I try and get them to think about what they're doing, whether it be cleaning up after themselves or not spending every last bit of money we have on cigarettes or any other myriad of little obvious things, I automatically become the authority figure in their lives. They resent authority. They're always ranting about how "Obama's gonna take away our guns!" or "The government's gonna take over!" I get angry at that. I asked them to tell me what it means for the government to take over, and they couldn't tell me. They honestly have no clue. They just know it's bad.
I want to be able to help them, but I can't. They shut me out any time I suggest anything, and they refuse to do anything I ask them, unless I can make them think it's their idea. I've managed to do that once actually. They were eating too much food last week. Since we're really low on money, we don't have a bunch of food stockpiled. We have to eat very strict meals, 3 times per day. Like normal people. No grazing on chips or crap like that between meals. Only they didn't understand that. They think it's okay to eat whenever they want, whatever they want and just leave the extras laying around the house. I got fed up with this, after having to skip breakfast three days in a row because there wasn't anything to eat for breakfast. So I made sure that when I was preparing supper, I got the first serving. I made sure they saw how big it was, and I made sure I took my time eating it. I really enjoyed it, it was a nice meal. Anyways, they noticed how much I got, but how little they got and started griping about it. When I finished eating I said, "sorry none of us got much guys, we are starting to run out and have to eat less to make sure we've got food until next time we have money." Since then, they've only been eating twice per day, and we all get enough at each meal. I still wake up to an absolutely destroyed kitchen that I have to clean up each time, but it's better than an absolutely destroyed kitchen and no food.
I've pretty much fucked up my life from the plan I laid down back in July of 2007. I wish I had been able to stick to the plan, but I couldn't. I guess it's normal though, who plans their life at age 18 and expects it to actually work out that way? I'm working on getting over it, but it's hard sometimes. Especially when I think about how I could be living my dream right now, working in Japan and teaching English. Now I'm living in a trailer house teaching my two retarded brothers to clean up after themselves.
I know this entry was kind of sad, and I'm not like this all the time. I just had to get this crap off of my chest. I'll be back to normal ol' cheerful me sometime soon. Well, enough procrastinating, I've got a paper to write.
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