I've found myself dusting of old memories lately. I'm losing myself and my mind again. I'm desperately digging through the written images and paintings to try and find myself. My identity is fading into the life I'm settling into. I am the shadow of my husband and unltimate care taker of our children. There's no time to be me. Even when it comes to music I rarely hear what I like. It's always Tylers music.

My mind is shutting down and I have become brain dead to the world. I feel more like a robot than anything. My blessed curse has been on overdrive for some reason. I hear things that no one else notices. I'm not sure if someone is trying to reach out to me or what but, it's making me feel a little crazy.

Making an effort to listen to my kind of music is difficult. However, It is not impossible. When I can find the time it sparks a piece of me to come out. Although I'm not the greatest singer, singing is the best therapy for me. In the morning, I enjoy sitting on the back patio and singing along to a few songs in which I can relate too. Doing so gets me ready for the day ahead.

Anyway... The kids are getting so big. :) They are amazing. Things with Tyler are OK. We're getting some things straightened out. We are even attending marraige counseling. It has helped in someways... which is good.

I need to go back to being a robot. However, the search for myself will not rest.
For now, my songof the moment...

"Run where you'll be safe through the garden gates. To the shelter of... Magnolias."

I wish we were closer to each other geographically... I feel like it'd be good for us to be able to get together again like old times.
We've hit troubled water here as well and my form of "rebellion" is to go out and find a job to have some time to think on me... I know it doesn't really make much sense.
I hardly even get the chance to talk to anyone about it (which is the only thing I've found that helps) because he doesn't like people knowing we have problems....

But at least we [you and I] have the little ones to help us stay a little more sane
» MidnightMonkey on 2012-08-27 03:08:39

Amen my dear... amen.
» Midnight on 2012-08-29 12:54:36

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