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If only I had wings . . . by invisible @ NuTang.com
No no Baby it's not you.. it's us
Friday. 9.14.07 8:08 pm
I could sit at this computer all day and write about how I feel. Pour my heart out and cry and sing.. whatever the hell I wanted to express myself. But, in the long run what's it going to accomplish? The past few days I've been sulking in my own sadness and stupidity. Why? For somthing that I'd give anything to have. But why? Why do I want this so bad? Will it mean anything tomorrow, a week from now, a year from now? I won't let this go. I don't want to stop. I want to keep fighting. But why? This is so childish. This stupid game of cat and mouse. I'm NOT happy where I am now, and I haven't been for a while now. Yet I pursue on with these situations.. this life. "So change. It's that simple" But really, is it that simple? Ever action has a REaction. I can't exactly ask the future what will happen if I choose to do this or that. If only life were that simple. All I can really do is pray that everything turns out ok. I have all these simple complications before me. However. solving the complication makes the simplicity unbareable. But living with this complication creates so much more unnecessary drama. Creates even more simple comlications to fill my mind. So in this mind set of constant wonder, I'll lose myself and the process starts all over again. This cycle starts over. So when does it end? Will it end when I learn something new, or with my last breath? I've been asking myself this question for a long time now. And it seems like even time i choose death and come back just barely and start new again. Start this cycle over again. It lies hidden in my mind like a virus. It can lay there without any notice for the longest time. Without and symptoms or warnings. Suddenly, the simplest thing can spark it and then what? You can't kill a virus. It lingers and will for all of time. Unless... you can fight it off. Can I fight this virus off? Will I be strong enough? Every other time I haven't been and tried to give in.

See, here I go again. Rambling on about nothing. And it doesn't mean a damn thing. None of this will mean anything in the long run. These emotions.. this love. It doesn't mean anything to the other person. Well, it does.. according to them. And, I know it does because of there anger towards it. The same anger I had in the beginning, when these emotions were first sparked. Now they've become overwhelming and I've found myself sitting here alone talking about how I feel.

I still have them, my true friends. However, with the dicision I have to make.. both roads lead to exile with one or the other. And if I lose one, the other will slowly whither away. Over something that won't mean a damn thing in the long run. Ah! but this dicision is precisley what will affect me in the long run. So it does mean something? I am really starting to hate the mind of a teenager. It all makes since to me. It really is common sense to me. But I still elaborate. And this very process drives me to my own insanity. My own stupidity.

I could very easily get angry and say "That's it! It ends now!" Now is it really the end? I could state that with all the confidence in the world and still know my mind could wander tomorrow.. and I'll start all over again. So I leave now..

This is not the beginning..
This is not the end..
This is just another simple comlication that I must learn the hard way.
2 Comments.


well in any case, its good to ramble and vent things out, I'm pretty expirenced at doing that on nutang myself.. So please, vent and ramble away! Just try not to drive urself too insane
» CPKviperpheonix on 2007-09-16 11:04:51

from my experience, when things get too complicated it's best to just go off and do something completely unrelated to everything you've got on your mind. Usually time away from the situation makes things less complicated.

Either way though, I hope things shape up.


» of_your_mind on 2007-09-23 10:01:47

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