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To Those Who Love to Travel in Gasoline-Powered Style
Sunday. 3.18.07 5:27 pm
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. As some of you may have noticed, I have been absent from this blog for the past couple of weeks. Sadly, the world seems to be suffering from a severe lack of ironic/absurd events, and as such I have found few good targets upon which I could release my pent up supply of inner cynicism.

Today, however, I would like to turn your attention to a few of the smaller absurdities which lacked sufficient mockery-potential, but nonetheless deserve an honorable mention here.

To start, I would like to direct you all to the latest news coming out of Cuba. As we all know, the world has turned an apprehensive eye on the small island nation ever since it was announced that Fidel Castro, a beloved leader and internationally-lauded advocate of peace and freedom, had fallen ill. To quell this growing sense of worldwide unease, a spokesman for the Cuban government went public on Thursday to assure us all that Castro would be in "Perfect shape" to run in the next election. And, as we all know, with free democratic elections as common as they are in authoritarian communist dictatorships such as Cuba, this can only mean that Castro has nearly recovered from the dangerous invasive surgery performed on him in late 2006. We may all now breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Moving on in world news, we now turn our attention to Russia, where a startling new advancement has been made in the realm of science and technology. Years ago, in the early days of the Cold War, the Soviet Union left the United States in its academic dust when it launched Sputnik (the first man-made satellite to be launched into space) and touched off the series of events which we recall today as the space-race. In a similar turn of events, Russian scientist "Roman Kunikov" has now announced his successful development of gasoline-powered shoes. With this innovative invention, Russia has once again raised the bar on the human limits of laziness.

Kunikov's 1kg shoes are capable of allowing humans to travel at speeds higher than the fastest of Olympic sprinters for approximately 25 minutes, and do it in style. Just as man once dreamed of reaching the stars, so have we desired the ability to strap internal-combustion engines to our feet and proudly strut our stuff down crowded streets while striking down startled pedestrians under the ungainly masses of metal that used to be our old pair of nikes. And now, thanks largely to the ingenuity of our fellow scientists to the east, both dreams have become reality.

Ladies and gentlemen, here's to a year full of newsworthy absurdities!

Thank you, that is all.
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Oh Fidel
How the world would have missed you. Thank goodness free elections will live on in authoritarian dictatorships.

Those boots really look like nothing more then pogostick-footwear...if you hadn't pointed them out as motorized I never would've guessed. It's the new bicycle...except less work! How innovative. I wonder how he turn them off when going down the stairs.
» The-Muffin-Man on 2007-03-18 10:57:33

And not that I'm somewhat of a stalker or anything, but would that be you in the banner on the top of your site?
» The-Muffin-Man on 2007-03-18 11:03:31



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