I was deprived of cartoons as a child. My parents were the kind of people who considered "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" to be the slang translation of "School Shooting for Dummies", a how-to docudrama on the intricacies of juvenile delinquency. PBS and the other public broadcasting stations were granted a strict monopoly over my television viewership.

Don't get me wrong, the idealism of PBS shows like Arthur and Barney were all well and good, but they were really meant to be taken in moderation. Yes, its good for kids to hear Barney talking to them about how wonderful it would be if there were peace on earth. But its also important that our children learn the more realistic perspectives of shows like T.N.M.T. (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles). Our kids should know that the only thing protecting their fragile peace of mind from the onslaught of generic supervillains is a band of mutated amphibians well-versed in the martial arts.

Whippersnappers these days are naive enough as it is, the last thing we need is some purple dinosaur prancing around our TV screens and lulling the next generation into a false sense of security. After all, we're not exactly treading lightly through history at the moment. The military, the economy, and our culture all seem on the verge of collapse. We're going to need those kids in razor-sharp mental condition to fight their way out of all of those future-problems while our future-selves kick back and play relaxing games of holographic shuffleboard in our retirement homes.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to empty some aerosol cans into the ozone just for the hell of it. As far as I'm concerned, if those kids want a Barneyesque world of ideals, they're gonna have to earn it.

Thank you, that is all.™

Hahaha
AWESOME.
I totally agree.

Hell, I know that if I ever have kids I may be even rougher.
I was brought up with Ninja Turtles and X-Men. Personally I prefer X-Men, simply for the fact that the superheroes don't always win. Also, the villains are nothing more then heroes that with their own warped perception of what's "good". So in sense, there really isn't any villains.
If and when I ever have any kids, I'll make sure you make things as depressing as possible for them. Give them hope and determination, but none of this b.s. of today, which, frankly, I believe has ALREADY messed up the youth. Have you noticed how often the government and other such authorities have screwed us over and OVER AND OVER again, yet NO ONE has really ever protested?
We sure as hell aren't fighting for what's good anymore and I'm certain the youth of tomorrow won't either.

Unless something catastrophic happens...
I CAN ONLY HOPE!
» elessar257 on 2007-01-30 07:24:35

I also agree!
Perhaps your followup article could be titled: "The Beneficial Effects of Putting A Gun To Barney's Head And Pulling The Trigger". Oh wait..you aren't totally against Barney..just the overuse of Barney. Sorry if I've offended anyone haha
» etheracide on 2007-01-30 07:32:35

Just take the quiz, my man ...of dark sunglasses.
» elessar257 on 2007-01-30 07:53:25

x-men.
ghostbusters.

hardcore.

what Elessar said. times 2.
» Helena on 2007-01-30 08:07:31

I hate Barney.. He looks like more like a retard now more than ever! Don't know why I liked to watch that show when I was young.. Maybe because at that time, TMNT wasn't on TV. Yea, the children should not be only allowed or encouraged to watch Barney type of movies..
» Nuttz on 2007-01-30 09:58:30

Man Barney smokes pot he doesn't know ANYTHING.
» randomjunk on 2007-01-30 10:42:07

I used to watch Barney when was younger, but then one day I was like 'what the hell am I doing?!' I also agree with what Elessar said. he's got a good point
» LostSoul13 on 2007-01-31 12:05:12

nice
» middaymoon on 2007-01-31 07:46:53

Il Duce is the man. You know that the BS sequel has recently been green-lighted?
» le_battement on 2007-02-01 01:00:06

I had a similar childhood.
we had cable TV 'til I was about 5 or 6. After that, all there really was for us to watch on the 10 channels we could get with our rabbit ears was PBS. So we got lots of Sesame Street, Mister Rogers, Barney, The Magic School Bus, and even a dash of Telletubbies.

We weren't even allowed to watch stuff like Captain Planet, Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, Saved By The Bell, or any of the interesting-looking shows we really wanted to watch.

At least we knew how to read, and how to be nice to people.

or something like that.
» invisible on 2007-02-06 01:04:33

Barney creeps me out. I don't see how kids can watch it. And I totally agree with you.
» Kirei on 2007-02-06 11:08:10

my parents never sheltered me from anything. I think that is a very good thing, it made me stronger person.
» pyrogrrl12 on 2007-02-08 11:34:47

ha, I was old by the time Barney/Power Rangers/Teletubbies came. We had Darkwing Duck, Talespin, TMNT, and Alf. But really what you should learn from watching Barney is that dinosaurs tend to think that peace and love are the only things worth worrying about in the world.

And look what happened to them: they went extinct en masse 65 million years ago. Think about it.
» Zanzibar on 2007-02-11 11:42:28

amen.
i wasnt allowed to watch fox as a child. it was all purple dinosaurs and talking animals [not the teenage mutant kind] for me.
» bananaface on 2007-02-15 10:30:34

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