I decided that since I couldn't remember the password I was using back in '04-'05 when I started this blog, I deleted all the password protected entries that I couldn't read anyway. There was no point in leaving them there.

I know that I am depressed. It's an illness and I am getting professional help for it now. However, the way things seem to be working is that the week or more that lead up to the appointment seems to be fine, so when I go to talk with him, I haven't really anything bad to talk about. Then afterward ... everything seems to spiral downward. I saw my therapist this past Friday. Since then, I haven't wanted to eat anything and when I do, I feel sick. I've been having issues sleeping. It doesn't seem to matter what time I go to bed, my body wakes me up at 6:15am. And it takes me an hour or more to fall back asleep, only to have my alarm wake me at 8:15 for school.

I know that this will pass; it's not the first time I've gone through periods like this. I don't mind the lack of sleep. I don't mind the not eating part. I just wish I didn't get nauseous every time I even think about food.

I still want to disappear. For some reason I feel as if I take myself off the grid for a while, things will be better when I get back. Which might be true, but it won't stop it from going back in to the hole again.

...couldn't you look at them from your account? Even without protected entries, it's still easier than reading them on your actual site, isn't it?
» middaymoon on 2012-03-07 10:40:38

what he said. if you go to edit your entries it tells you the passwords for your protected blog entries.
» ThisCharmingMan on 2012-03-07 11:46:32

I ditto the two before me.

I do feel like taking myself off the grid and disappear for a while and it does work. Even if it means only turning off your phone and not getting onto the internet for a weekend. I hope you'll feel better
» Nuttz on 2012-03-09 10:50:13

Hang in there!!
I know exactly how you feel.. I've got a generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder and major depression.. if you EVER need to talk... I'm here for ya. I know what it's like.. i too have insomnia.. i also prefer to avoid food. It does get better. I wouldn't normally tell you all this because I'm extremely shy.. but a few jello shots have me all loosened up. Hang in there.... you're not alone!!!
» dazed-and-bleeding on 2012-03-18 03:32:07

Maybe you could schedule your appointments for Mondays? If they are always on Fridays then it would stand to reason that the weekends are your hardest times and on Monday they would be more fresh on your mind for discussion. Do you work Monday-Friday? It seems like with depression idleness really gets it going.
» lyndeep on 2012-03-19 04:07:40

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