After three months of working at the hospital, it finally got to me. I was already feeling upset and down and just not in a good place, but when I started patrolling the Pre-Op wing, it just got to me and I broke down. The reason? The way the rooms are set up, they look exactly like the room that Jacob was in when he had his surgery. The sliding door, the curtain that goes all the way across, but doesn't touch the floor ... I just started crying. Like I said, I already was an emotional mess, but I was trying not to break down at work. Luckily it was Saturday and with the hospital being closed, I was free to break down right there in the middle of the hallway.

After a few minutes I finally managed to calm down, but the rest of the night I avoided that particular wing. I'm not really exactly sure what it was that had me all messed up to begin with, but I really wasn't having it on Saturday.

I felt better today.

One other thing that occurred on Saturday was a very important step for me. Something I haven't been able to do in the past, for reasons unknown. Probably mostly fear.

I finished and submitted my FAFSA application. I also submitted an application to three separate community colleges in the area. Each has a good Marine Biology program, so hopefully I hear back from one or more of them soon.

So, I finally made a step towards getting my future set up, rather than just waiting and seeing if something happens.

In other, happier news, I met Jacob three years ago today. It doesn't really count as our anniversary; we actually don't have an 'official' date when we became an 'official' couple. At this point I'm just going to go by the day that he proposed and we'll celebrate that until the actual day of the wedding occurs. {Who knows when that'll be, but I'm okay with that.} We didn't do anything to celebrate us meeting three years ago today. Work got in the way of doing so.

Same with his birthday. We're both working two different shifts that day so celebrating on the day will be impossible. I told him to pick a place that he wants to go or something that he wants to do and I'd treat him to it. So that'll happen either tomorrow or Tuesday.

Anywho, I needed to get that out of my system. I wanted to talk to Jacob about it, but I didn't know how to bring it up. But that's really all that's happened in the last few days ... or since whenever it was I wrote last. . . which I think was a couple days ago.

Until next time NuTang ...

what do you do at the hospital?
Oh, and I watched the trailers in the entry below... it was really funny because in France the title of "No Strings Attached" was "Sex Friends", not even in French, just "Sex Friends". I thought that was more accurate. Both of those movies are kind of sad, though, because then a bunch of girls will probably think, "Oooohh, all I have to do is have sex with him all the time and not ever expect anything else, and then he'll fall in love with me!!"

....

Doesn't happen.

But I do like Friends with Benefits better (from the trailer) because it actually seems like they build in some character development. And it has Andy Samberg.
» Zanzibar on 2011-03-21 02:11:09

i felt a similar way when i worked at a children's hospital.. i worked in the ER, mostly with rape victims. shit was tough.
» undisputed on 2011-03-23 08:03:13

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