welcome to my mind ...

Sitting at work hoping the time passes quickly is useless. Time never passes quickly when you aren't doing anything. Even when you're sleeping time doesn't pass quickly.

I was given some advice and I'm going to try to take it. I don't know how well it'll work out, but I can try. I was basically told to play "hard to get." Doing so will be beneficial in me finding out, to some extent, just how much I'm wanted. I want to believe now that he's trying to prove that he cares, but my friend has a point. If I give in every time, then he doesn't have to try very hard. I don't remember the last time I said, "no, not today/tonight" or "maybe next time; I'm busy today." I'm afraid of the outcome should I start saying no. But I guess if it is the outcome I don't want, then there really was no point in me trying so hard to hold on.

I almost told someone my secret. I think I might actually tell my sister. It's not really any of her business, but she's pretty much the only one I can trust. And the fact that she sees that something is going on, I'm pretty sure she already has an idea. I just don't know how she'd react if it were openly confirmed. I'll see how this week goes. I don't know if she'll be home at all this week, but she knows that it'll happen. It's been happening for the last few weeks. Oh well.

I hate work right now. And I don't even care if the camera sees that I'm typing this out. I'm so ready to quit. I've already put in my transfer paperwork, but I don't know how soon something will become available. I need something that pays more. If I were getting paid what I'm making right now for overtime as my regular pay, I'd definitely stay and deal with the fucked up drama. Unfortunately the economy doesn't work that way. And at my pay right now, the drama just isn't worth it. Everything is fine until 6:30am when my boss shows up. It's not just me who feels that way. Both of my coworkers feel the same.

I have just under 6 hours left just sitting here doing my time. On weekends I'd prefer to work swing shift, but this is the only thing available. I'll probably be working Saturday nights until they find someone to replace the position. I need the extra money to help catch me up. And it's really not like I do anything on Saturday nights anyway. Hell, I hardly do anything on Friday nights either, but I'd like to keep it open just in case the rare plan is made. Or spontaneity occurs.

Anywho, I suppose it's time to find something else to watch on Hulu. Watching movies or a bunch of 45 minute shows will kill the rest of my time here. That's not what I had written before when my internet decided to crap out, but it got across some points I wanted to talk about. Till next time NuTang. . .