I've come to admit that I have a problem. I think I've known about it for a while, but I've just not been willing to admit what I've been doing. And either I've ignored him or he's just not said anything about what I've been doing.

I realize and admit that I am not properly prioritizing. I am thinking about myself, but in the wrong way. It seems, as of late, that every single decsion I make revolves around whether I'll be able to see Jacob.

My shift hours changed and all I could think about was how I won't be able to see Jake for that long before he goes to work. I'm being offered a better shift to work on and all I can think about is that I won't be able to do the same things with Jake as I've been able to do.

I go to this place or I drive here or hang out with this person, it all goes back to Jacob.

I have a problem.

I guess because I've let it go on for so long, it hurts to even think about working on fixing it.

Him or I moving out will probably be the best thing that will happen to us. It'll severly limit our seeing one another, but it seems to be the only way. I have no refuge, no retreat that I can go to just to get away for a few days. He's not the only one who wants to be alone. He just ... wants it more than I do.

I have to work on doing things for myself where my mind doesn't immediately focus on Jacob. The thing is, I want our relationship to keep going. I don't want to take a break or break it off.

Physical seperation from each other seems to be exactly what we both need, though. Not easy to do when you live together and neither one has a place to go. Or money to get away for a few days.

I need to talk to him about this. It's something that's bothering me and I know it's bothering him. I can only hope the result ends up tolerable.

A better blog will be coming soon. He bought Blue Man Group tickets for me and him for Christmas. We're going to the show this Friday.

Your pair eyes which follows the pointers are missing..

I hope you can figure things out with Jake sooner and either one of you can go away for a few days.
» Nuttz on 2009-01-04 01:51:41

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