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starvation induced by depression
Monday. 6.2.08 12:07 pm
Reading over lazypuppy's latest weblog got me thinking about my own weightloss. However, she's doing it the right way. And definite kudos to her for sticking to the diet and seeing results.

With my slowly deepening depression over the last month or so my eating habits have changed. I already didn't eat a whole lot, but as I got more stressed/depressed I started eating less. Now it's at a point where I'm not eating anything because even the thought of food makes me a little sick to my stomach.

Over the last 4 days my food intake is as follows:
~ Friday - Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme w/spicy chicken & a homemade quesadilla.
~ Saturday - half a bowl of Zatarain's rice and a small piece of white, confetti birthday cake
~ Sunday - nothing
~ Today - nothing

I've lost 4 pounds in the past week due to my lack of food intake. Unlike the last time this happened, I'm not purposly avoiding food. The last time I lost weight this way, I was forcefully starving myself. This time it's just that I'm upset, nervous, pissed off, depressed or worried to a point where my mind is telling me that if I put food in my stomach I'll feel sick.

I want to eat. But I can't. Even just the thought of food makes my stomach turn.

I need to stop avoiding talking to Jake about how I feel. It's not going to be an easy conversation and the mood will definitely plummet. But the longer I avoid talking about it, the harder it's going to be when I finally can't take it anymore.

I couldn't even fully enjoy messing around last night because of the thoughts in my mind. The one thing that makes me sicker to my stomach than anything else kept making itself present. I tried to simply focus on what we were doing, but it was harder than it should be.

I was planning on talking to him about it Tuesday night, but we'll be going out and having fun Wednesday and I don't want to ruin that by being upset the night before. It's not going to be an easy thing. I think my fear of how he'll react is what's causing me to postpone it.

No fear is much easier said than done. Especially when the end result with either be as bad as I'm expecting or not quite as bad. Either way, it won't be good.

Shit. What am I going to do?
4 Comments.


Zatarain's rice is yummy...

If you haven't eaten for two days I think you seriously do need to get some help or something...
» randomjunk on 2008-06-02 07:45:59

Yea... You just seriously need to try to gather the courage to sitdown and talk to him...and you maybe need some help.. you need to try and get out of that depression mode asap.its just not good at all :-/
» CPKviperpheonix on 2008-06-02 07:50:46

that sucks hella that you're not feeling up to eating or doing much of anything. I hate feeling that way. I hope things work out for you and let me know if there's anything that I can do.
» lazypuppy on 2008-06-02 08:11:10

Maybe you should drink milk when you don't feel like eating?
» Nuttz on 2008-06-03 01:50:39

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