~~ I'm pretty sure this is going to be a rant ... so don't say I didn't warn you ~~

I'm getting more frustrated now, rather than upset, about the whole Stuart "situation." I like him much more than I actually should, especially considering we were never together; we were never a legitimate couple. Its something that I am very well aware of and I accept that we weren't in a relationship, but I don't understand why I feel as strongly towards him as I do. I want to text him right now, but I'm thinking that maybe if I don't talk to him every night {like I'm used to doing} then maybe it'll help. I really don't want to not talk to him though. Gah! Why do things have to be complicated when it comes to liking a person and getting over them?

Another thing that's bugging me is that I've been here for a week and I feel like I've not accomplished anything. I've bought a wireless router for my computer and I've gone out with my mom to the store and to pay bills. That's about it. Its pretty difficult, though, with my mom working during the day. She has the car and its not available to use until 3:30 or later. That puts quite a restriction on my hour availability when looking for jobs.

I need to get so many things done. I have set goals for myself, to get these things by a certain time and yeah, I've only been here for a little less than a week, but I still feel like I've done nothing.

Let me break it down ...
Things that I need {in no particular order}:
~ a car {I want to have this by Oct. 1st}
~ my license {I want this by Aug. 31st}
~ a job {I want this by Aug. 1st}
~ my own apartment {hopefully I'll have this by Christmas or the New Year}
~ money {I just need this ASAP}

Things that I want/need {again, in no particular order}:
~ a new wardrobe {some of the clothes I have I've had since high school}
~ to plan for my week long trip back to Tucson in the beginning of October {I really want this to happen only cuz I sort of promised some people that it would}
~ new friends {I'm sure these will come with the job}
~ a boyfriend {and I mean a real boyfriend ... something I haven't had in 3 years}
~ my freedon {this is more a need, but I'll keep it at an even 5 for each set}

Ugh, I've lost my train of thought again. The thoughts keep racing too fast for me to get them out before they're gone again. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more sorted out to write about.

I should try a checklist one day. It looks like it works, though for me the WHEN is the hardest part. School, job, license...none of them have determined lines which presents a problem, because I have terrible initiative haha.

Wow, a trip back already? I don't want to sound a pessimist or anything but wouldn't a trip back make the Stuart situation worse? It would be nice to see the rest of your friends at least.

P.S. I only just discovered the playlist on the bottom of your site and I am rocking to Sandstorm :P I pretty much know it by heart since we use it for jump rope performances so much....
» The-Muffin-Man on 2007-07-21 02:08:21

Maybe it's not really Stuart you're after... maybe you see so much of the good parts of your ex in him that subconsciously you feel like maybe this is a second chance. :0

...Yeah I don't know where that came from either...
» randomjunk on 2007-07-21 05:33:09

Ha, well I've been acting the therapist for quite a while. It used to be my dream. :P
» randomjunk on 2007-07-21 07:14:27

good luck on your goals....
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