welcome to my mind ...

The louder the music, the faster the speed, the calmer I get. Blasting the music in to the buds stuffed in to my ears while flying somewhere, I'm pretty sure my heartbeat is somewhere in the 50s. It's the only place where I feel the most at ease. I've never felt that level of ease or relaxation even when I'm cuddled up to someone I love. Sure, I'm comfortable, but it's nothing compared to when I'm on a plane with music blasting in my ears.

I need to find something that will allow me to fly frequently; at least twice a year. The escape from reality; the loss of control, even if only for a few hours. I need to find something that will allow me to travel at least twice a year.

I had to stop at the lab after my shift today to get blood work done for the new job. Working in a medical facility, it's a requirement. I'm not sure why we didn't have to do the same work up for becoming security, but whatever. I wish every job was as simple as that. I'd much rather give blood than piss in a cup. Take as much blood as necessary, poke me as many times as needed; still easier for me than peeing in a cup.

I have 8 work days left. I'm excited and nervous, but mostly relieved. It's a relief that I won't have to deal with the annoying and idiotic bullshit or lack of morale that comes with my current job. Despite all the drama that I've heard about throughout the company that I'm going to be a part of, it's still a major improvement from what I've been doing and a lot of people do actually still like their jobs and the company they're employed by. This is a stepping stone for me. If I do end up making this a permanent career, I'll continue to move up the chain as far as I can until I've reached a point where I would be okay stopping. The moment I get bored or feel the challenge slipping out from under me, it's time to continue on up the ladder. I can't, and won't, let myself get to where I am at this moment.

Is it May yet? I need to fly again.