The past few days I've been feeling particularly bitter, if you couldn't tell by the tone of the previous entry. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, but I'm sure there's some kind of hidden reason or chemical imbalance that I'm fighting with.

I went to a park last night after my eye doc appointment. It was the park that a former friend took me to, in the middle of the night, around this same time of year, two years ago. It was freezing, I was coming down from quite a few drinks and I told him that I wasn't ready to stop sleeping with my ex. I ruined what could have been a perfectly good friendship. Obviously we weren't meant to be friends, otherwise some stupid shit like that wouldn't have come out of my mouth, or he wouldn't have given two fucks about how I was feeling. In which case he shouldn't be the type of person I want as my friend anyway.

The view from this park is beautiful. I feel like it's best at night, when the city is lit up and the lights fade from the city, to the suburbs to the blackness of the open water. It's a place to go to find peace. I felt content with the moment when I left there. I smiled most of the way home, thinking about how nice it felt to be there, even if it was only for 10 minutes.

The entire day leading up to that point, however, was filled with snap comments and yelling at other idiot drivers on the road. Bitter. Cold. Harsh.

It's something that seems to be taking over me more often than not, at least over the last few days. It'll pass, like every other time, but for now, I'm embracing it.

I'm embracing the inner bitch that wants very much to be known.

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