welcome to my mind ...

I'm doing it again, but instead of avoiding it became I'm ridiculously depressed and torn apart, I'm doing it to, more or less, test my will power. I will inevitably fail at this current challenge. I might get to about where I did last week, but at least my mood is a little different about it.

I have to look at this from the friend perspective and in thinking about it, I don't like where it's going. At least not right now because I want more from it. This was the first time I'd ever experienced such compassion from another human being toward me and in the very short period of exposure, I became, for lack of a better term, addicted to it. I know it'll get better, but for now, I really don't like it.

I really need to go clean the inside of my car windows, but this ridiculous heat and sun has me cowering inside. I wanted to see how I felt about doing it today after I took a nap, but I woke up, saw that the sun was still shining bright and immediately said, "nope." It's supposed to rain on Wednesday. It sure as fuck can't come soon enough. Since it'll be even hotter and somehow sunnier tomorrow, the windows won't be getting cleaned then either. Then with both jobs taking up my time Tuesday and Wednesday, it looks like the cleaning will just have to wait until Thursday. *shrugs*

Speaking of two jobs, I checked my schedule online and it appears that I will only be working this week and next week, rather than this, next and the week after. October 1st was supposed to be my last day so Tuesday the 30th and Wednesday the 1st was supposed to be my final week. However, in looking at the online scheduled, I'm not on those days. I'll have to confer with the paper schedule printed, but it appears that they finally did cut my hours back like I assumed they'd have done shortly after I gave my notice. I guess calling off for yesterday was kind of the final straw for them. Oops. In my defense, I really wasn't feeling all that well. But bad Chinese food sounds better than cramps.

It'll take some getting used to not having a second income, but I need to work on budgeting anyway and this will be a good, forced way of doing so. I have an appointment on Friday to take affirmative action in getting my credit fixed and now that I'm older and more responsible, I feel like it'll be a good lesson in self control. A good test to see if I'm capable of being a responsible adult and sticking to my guns. I'm determined at the moment so we'll see if it holds up and for how long.

Alright, it's time to find something to kill time. Once it starts being all cold and rainy again, I'll be more tempted to go outside. Or even just below 70. This heat can go fuck itself.