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Open, stare, close. Repeat. {Edit}
Sunday. 8.24.14 4:25 pm
Today is the first day that I'm aiming to really try to avoid communication. I don't want to fail and cave and be the first one to message him, like I have every other single day this week. I want him to want to talk to me and the only way to do that is to not force it. I also want to give him the space he wants and the way to do that is by avoiding initiating conversation.

There's been a couple times that I've wanted to throw my phone across the room, but then I just do the same thing over and over again. I'm going to kill my phone battery just by continually opening opening the same app, but never doing anything else with it.

I hate that this is part of it. Why can't I just be like him and be okay with this? Where the fuck is the magical button that allows your emotions to just turn off on a dime like that? Not that he's okay, but he's certainly better off than I am.

I haven't eaten in over 24 hours and my stomach hasn't even growled once. I threw up something green this morning. No idea what that could have been since there hasn't been anything ingested since yesterday around 11. And there wasn't anything green involved in the meal. I've reached the point in this 'fast' where even just the idea of food makes me nauseated so who knows when I'll finally give in and eat something. All of the people who were around me to make sure I ate on a regular basis are no longer around me so it's easier to get away with this.

I'm sure eventually, maybe in another day or so, I'll eat. Or I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and pay for it later.

I can't seem to cry anymore. I've tried. At this point I'm just numb.

{Edit}
Apparently my tear ducts haven't completely dried up yet. Joy.

I've found something that I can watch over and over again and it reminds me exactly why I'm in the place I'm in. It reminds me why we can't be a couple right now and why things are going to be okay. It brings me hope for the future, in the oddest of ways.
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