mood: hmmm...kinda sad
listening to: the rain and thunder
watching: my cat Bella, groom herself.

Brad = Grrrrr

Ok, so I was meanta talk to Brad today and everything was really awkward and yuck and awful. I have so much resentment towards him, cos he's not giving me the love and attention I want from him, I really don't think he loves me, even though he knows exactly how i feel about him. So basically, I just asked him how his day was, he said it was alright then i told him to just talk to me about random stuff, which he said he didn't wanna do, if it was just for the sake of talking. So then he said he was inerested in hearing about my test results and uni and what I'm gonna do next year, so I told him about that, but basically, I felt like a robot while talking to him, the spark has gone cos we're not in each other's life as much anymore, get what I mean? If you talk to somebody only once a day for only an hour or less, only online, then things start to get flat and robotic and dull, especially if you'e unsure about what you should say to them or do. There used to be so much passion and flirting and playing and teasing, but I think we're both too afraid to...He told me he was wary about calling me cos he didn't think we could control ourselves and stop things if we went a lil too far, cos just hearing each other's voice can sometimes set sparks flying and things get out of hand. He doesn't think it's right for us to be more intimate if we can't talk the next day for awhile and if time is too short, it makes him feel like he's not doing the right thing by me and it makes him sad. Yet, the way things are, things are just too...unbalanced, there's too much talk about school and work and responsibilities and how sad we are that we can't talk more, etc. There's no flirting and fun to lighten things up and make us enjoy each other's company and that makes me feel even more sad. It's such a huge waste of chemistry, if I had been there or if he had been here, then things could have been so different, the two of us have so much potential, I don't wanna just let it go. I'm actually starting to worry that I may be getting over him and that scares me, cos I don't want to give up on everything that we've shared and could share, just yet. Arrgh! What to do??

Work

So I was in a really shit mood when I got to work, I had pms, I wasn't very hungry, but I had to force food down my throat, so I wouldn't faint and I had just had a very disappointing and uneventful talk with Brad, who was supposed to email me telling me when he could talk tomorrow, which he didn't do
But lovely Rana, one of the managers, was really nice to me and made me smile and even offered me white chocolate mudcake, which I couldn't eat, but 'twas nice of her anyway. Rana and other nice people at work are the reason I keep working there, them and the fact that usually, I actually like my job. It kinda gives me a buzz when I'm down, especially if I have a nice section and nice people on my tables. It's not worth leaving, just because of Michael, even if he is an arse sometmes. Sometimes he can actually be nice and supportive and funny, if he's in a good mood. One thing I didn't like though, was that they changed my service shift to a host shift w/out even asking me first, which turned out ok, but still, I like service better, cos:
1) I get paid more
2) I get tips
3) It's much more rewarding and enjoyable, being a host kinda sucks, cos sometimes all you do is buss tables and and occasionally sort out the bill for a table if the service person's busy and run meals and get tables drinks if they ask for it, oh...and polish and roll cutlery, which sucks.
Tonight was a Saturday night, so we had a huuuge booking and we hadda do the linedance (part of the job description). Honestly, when your doing any kind of dance in a restaurant full of drunk guys, even a stupid linedance, you're made to feel like a Moulin Rouge dancer, or something, it's kinda unnerving.

Anyway, enough from meee, that's all the thoughts in my head for now...ummm...I'd like to take part the bit in my entry before, when I called my newly deceased step grandmother evil, it wasn't very respectful, and I feel a lil bad now. So, adios amigos!

katnicity with pms...watch out...lol...well i dunno about Brad...maybe things will work out with you two...with your job, sounds like things are okay...sometimes bad but for the most part good...more entries!!!
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